HIGHLIGHT FOR THE MONTH!

Monday, November 23, 2009

NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH: It Is How You Say It That Counts!


 In light of the absolutely great teleseminar with Nelson de Witt and Kevin Hofmann, I thought it would be great to address some of the language used in the adoption "world". During our teleseminar, Approaching the Search: Adoptees and Adoptive Parents Speak in which we addressed some of the issues that come up when adoptees want to begin looking for their brith family. One fo the subjects was the language used by both parties. The following is from USA Adoptions and gives some pointers and examples of the language used.

POSITIVE ADOPTION LANGUAGE

Choosing to use positive adoption language will help end the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language, you’ll reflect the true nature of adoption, free of stereotypes.
Below are some examples of positive and negative adoption language.
Positive Adoption Language
Negative Adoption Language
Birth parent
Real parents
Birth child
Own child
My child
Adopted child; own child
Make an adoption plan
Give up your child
To parent
To keep
Child placed for adoption
An Unwanted Child
Court Terminated
Child Taken Away
Child with Special Needs
Handicapped Child

Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P. is a Certified Open Adoption Practitioner, an award winning author of 2 adoption books AdoptingOnline.com and Adoption: Your Step-by-Step Guide.  Mardie is also the talk show host of Let's Talk Adoption.com with Mardie Caldwell and the founder of Lifetime Adoption in 1986. She travels and speaks nationwide on adoption topics, family topics, infertility and writing. She has been quoted in and consulted for Parenting and Adoption magazines and has appeared on CNN, CBS, ABC, BBC, NBC, and Fox. Featured in Parade Magazine, Caldwell is an adoptive mother living in Northern California.

2 comments:

Cricket said...

I will ALWAYS be adopted...no amount of language change will alter that. My first parents ARE my real parents...as are the people I was adopted by.

You can change the words, but that won't change the loss and pain that adoption causes for the adoptee.

Sidney Gaskins said...

Cricket,
I apologize that I did not have this sent to me earlier thus the late response. Thank you for your comment.
The post was a result of my conversation with 2 adoptees and offers the opportunity for both adoptees and parents to have common language. The article shares this "Choosing to use positive adoption language will help end the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language, you’ll reflect the true nature of adoption, free of stereotypes."

All too often both parents and adoptees are stereotyped either in their own language or that of others. As if adoption was second-best for either. As an adoptive parent who is single, I've been asked if something is "wrong". No one wants to say it, but the thought is that if you are single, good-looking, and eligible why would you adopt unless your "equipment" is not working. An then the stigma is attached to adoptees that parents did not want them so they "HAD" to be "taken" or "given away".

Yes, there is hurt associated with adoption, however, learning to share adoption in a way that it is a positive makes a difference for everyone involved.

Thank you again for your comment! The following the podcast of the show Approaching the Search: Adoptees and Adoptive Parents Speak. Take time to listen and leave comments there too!

http://sidneygaskins.podbean.com/2009/11/22/approaching-the-search-adoptees-and-adoptive-parents-speak/