tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43595818389173528272024-03-13T23:35:18.206-04:00The PulseThe Pulse is the place where you hear, read, and get information for what matters in your Life. Everything from finance and career, to parenting and relationships. It's The Pulse, The Rhythm of Life.Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-8538968747553448972010-01-28T11:34:00.000-05:002010-01-28T11:34:04.105-05:00Commentary: A Standard of Excellence<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9arpoTLdzk31JAJ6D4DUkZQRmtLwSIioeDGbKHGa8_WC44KLdC6sOst40NzaEaN_K9lzKzQt3IYtHdO2j2wzJjNj5LSSrkSnODgpP8TOuIi3oHKTPN6GtWHgjPSdJo2zTWSO5S6w3bPQ/s1600-h/trophy2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9arpoTLdzk31JAJ6D4DUkZQRmtLwSIioeDGbKHGa8_WC44KLdC6sOst40NzaEaN_K9lzKzQt3IYtHdO2j2wzJjNj5LSSrkSnODgpP8TOuIi3oHKTPN6GtWHgjPSdJo2zTWSO5S6w3bPQ/s320/trophy2.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Understanding “A Standard of Excellence” involves understanding the words “standard” and “excellence”. Words are often used with little thought given to their true meaning. We throw around the word “love” so much that it has lost its meaning. We “love” coffee, our pets, that jacket, those shoes, and even people we have barely known a minute. It stands to question whether we can have “A Standard of Excellence” with out having a true understanding of what it is.<br />
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</div><div style="text-align: justify;">A standard can be defined multiple ways. At one point a standard was a banner carried during times of war, it served as a rallying point, or emblem to gather the troops. It can be defined as a personal flag, one of a royal family, or organization. “Something set up and established by authority as a rule for measure,” is another definition. All of these would be appropriate to use at different times and give an idea of what a standard could be. For our purposes just about all can be applied in different aspects.<br />
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</div><div style="text-align: justify;">More often than not we are given standards for things by an authority. A standard ruler is twelve inches measuring a foot, a standard work day is eight hours, standard pregnancy is said to last for nine months, and your standard date is dinner and a movie. These standards were set by an authority, we do not know who yet we follow them readily. There are even standards set for what people should eat each day created for us. Someone created the standard quantity, weight, extent, duration, value, or quality and we accepted it. We accepted it unconsciously giving no thought to our own ability to create something different for ourselves. Most of us live unconsciously off of and by the standards set by others. We can raise the banner, flag, standard of our own Life. Two last definitions to take note of deal with structure, support, and stability. Standards give us those three things; the question is “to what standard do you hold yourself?” If your standard is excellence then the next step is to find out what it means to be excellent.<br />
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</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Excel, the root word of excellent, comes from the Latin word excellere meaning “to rise, project”. Sounds like we have passed “standard” before getting to define excel or excellent. To excel is to surpass in accomplishments or achievement, to be distinguishable by superiority. Superiority that is not arrogant or egotistical. This superiority speaks for itself, there are no words necessary, it has integrity, is confident, well put together, and moves with purpose. Excelling is going beyond a stated or implied limit set by an authority or established by a custom or tradition, and even past achievements. To excel one must push further than what is asked, transcending what is thought, moving past the norm to reach another level, outdoing your own past, and creating competition. Competition where there is only one person in the game, You. Excelling is continual. It is perpetual. There is no place called Excel City. It is a verb. Breaking through the ceiling called standard, status quo, or good enough creates excellence. It is a mindset, a place where you can live perpetually through excelling, being in motion, moving past yesterday; it takes motion to create excellence.<br />
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</div><div style="text-align: justify;">You are the authority which creates how you will measure the quantity and quality of the time given to tasks, people, and things. You say what a priority is, has value, and the quantity of money, time, and effort given to things in your Life. Only you can exceed standards set by authorities and yourself. Only you can push yourself past the baseline you have created. To have Life worth living, excelling must be one of the stones on which you build all aspects of your Life.<br />
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</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Set A Standard of Excellence in intimate relationships, with family and friends, in money management, with your health, in keeping your home, in dealing with and in your community, in communication, in your business, and see how things begin to come alive in your Life. Raise the Standard. A Standard of perpetual motion, outdoing self to the next level daily – that is the Standard of Excellence. Go beyond the norm, be distinguishable, be excellent.<br />
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-46247827497059074052010-01-15T22:45:00.004-05:002010-05-09T12:19:33.382-04:00Poppa's Baby. Momma's Maybe.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br />
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</a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> We have all heard the saying, "Momma's baby. Poppa's maybe" indicating that fathers can always question paternity. And yes, that happens to be true. No one questions a Mother about maternity, sounds silly right?! One the other hand, when it comes to being a father, there are a plethora of articles, sites, blogs, and opinions which berate, belittle, and emasculate men as fathers. All too often the fingers point at fathers as a culprit of children being in poverty, in a "broken" home, or in situations which are less than ideal. These men are accused of not caring for the life of their child. They are given the label of a deadbeat Dad. And even characterized as heartless. As the mother of a son, it is hard for me to hear all of that without asking some poignant questions about the Mothers of these children? Just as having sperm fertilize the egg does not make a man a Father, logically, it follows that because your egg is fertilized does not make you a Mother. </div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"> Plenty of mothers do not take the time to be just that, a Mother. It has nothing to do with age, culture, ethnicity, education, or socioeconomic status. A mother is not just someone who dresses up a child, but gives them direction and discipline. A mother has the ability to take herself out of the equation and do what is necessary for her child even if it means she must delay her own gratification. A mother takes time to engage in the education of her child, expose them to things that will grow their mind, and feed their potential as much as possible. All too often the finger pointing at fathers goes without looking at mothers who not prepared to take on the job of caring for Poppa's Maybe. And that makes them a maybe Momma. Read on and see why.</div><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"> If I may take a few lines to share a little about my background. My parents were married and they divorced in 1980. Prior to the divorce being final my father left. At that time, my mother was 34 with 4 children (one of which was her step daughter... get that!) ages 15, 13, 7, and 5. Along with being 35 with 4 children she was attending college, which she had put off to assist my father in completing his degrees. Following the divorce, we had visitation with him, my oldest sibling had left to live with her mother, and life went on. We were on and off welfare, sometimes had to cut grass at the home we were renting to make up for the rent shortfall, shopped at Kmart and The Goodwill, sometimes ate a local "soup kitchens", and ate "school lunch". With all that happening, there are a few things that I must get across:</div><br />
1) There were few, if any, child support checks that came to my mother.<br />
2) My Mother never spoke bad about my father in my presence. <br />
3) We were never a ruse for her to "get him back" or to "get back at him".<br />
4) I wish my father had been there more often.<br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"> With those things said, it is necessary to share that healthy fathers are an integral part of rearing healthy, well-rounded children. Girls need fathers to show them protection, give them positive self-esteem, and build them up as the princesses they are to be. How do you develop a healthy relationship with a man if you have never been shown a healthy man which to relate? It is not that it is impossible, but it make the interaction a bit difficult. The same can be said for boys. Without a healthy father figure their idea of right, wrong, how to behave and be man, the development of a work ethic, and the ability create an intimate relationship with a woman that is healthy as well. <a href="http://www.fathermag.com/9607/father-custody/">Fathermage.com</a> has an article entitled,<span style="font-style: italic;"> It's Fatherhood That Makes Childhood Possible</span>. In that article, the following statement was made which reiterates the need for fathers in the home with boys and girls:</div><blockquote><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span> </div><div style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size: small;">"A judge will try a divorce case in the morning and place the children in the mother's custody. He will try a criminal case in the afternoon and send a man to prison for robbing a liquor store. The chances are three out of four that the criminal he sends to prison grew up in a female headed household just like the one he himself created that morning when he tried the divorce case.</span><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.fathermag.com/9607/father-custody/#1">[1]</a> He can't see any connection between the two cases. The time lag prevents him: the kids he placed in the mother's custody were toddlers and the criminal he sent to prison was in his teens or twenties. Toddlers don't rob liquor stores.</span></div><div style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Besides, most fatherless boys don't grow up to rob liquor stores and most fatherless girls don't grow up to breed illegitimate children. Therefore what? Therefore the legal policy of giving custody to mothers is OK? Therefore we can ignore the increased probability that fatherlessness will create delinquency?"</span></div></blockquote><div style="text-align: justify;"> There is a desperate need for men in the lives of children. Yes, preferably in the home, but when that cannot happen there is the relationship that must be maintain, fostered, and encouraged. Again, I only say if it is healthy. Now to address "healthy".</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"> As stated before there is a need for healthy men. That can be qualified as someone who has the interest of the child in mind, is able to keep them safe, is motivated to do something with their life or is already doing so, and is emotionally mature. With that said, the same must be said for the women. And here is comes. Too many mothers are not emotionally mature enough to have the children they want. How do we know that? Here are some signs of emotional immaturity:</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">1) <span style="font-weight: bold;">Use child support as the bate and switch.</span> Child support issues are separate from visitation issues. These things do not have anything to do with each other, they are mutually exclusive. In the mind of an emotionally immature mother, these two things live, breathe, eat, and sleep in the same room. Not so. Child support is to be used to support the child in clothing, food, activities, etc. It is not like paying to see a money. No pay, no child. An emotionally immature mother does not understand the separation, blames the father, and refused to allow the relationship between child and Father to grown due to a lack of child support. Again, my father was so thin on child support, there could probably tell me over the phone how much those 1-3 checks were. However, that did not prevent my mother from allowing us to develop a relationship with him. </div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgoixsXW4r9YMqMKHF4hZqFZCvJPjQ64xDLrJnK8qAdxiA1rQKcv1w4IOpyw0bvFG54GSyFwqpIH6jIZo0QjVW70gUajCU4Mcr8I-Wo5DZ1cntvkfylZdJeQ15ZVIPp58-L35Z1Z59Y8E/s1600-h/mouth+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgoixsXW4r9YMqMKHF4hZqFZCvJPjQ64xDLrJnK8qAdxiA1rQKcv1w4IOpyw0bvFG54GSyFwqpIH6jIZo0QjVW70gUajCU4Mcr8I-Wo5DZ1cntvkfylZdJeQ15ZVIPp58-L35Z1Z59Y8E/s200/mouth+2.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">2) <span style="font-weight: bold;">"Your Daddy doesn't, can't, won't..."</span> No matter the issues between two parents they should remain there. Children love their parents until someone tells them otherwise. Immaturity opens the door to speaking immature things, things that children do not need to hear. Yes, there are relationships that have ended terribly, had circumstance that were not ideal, yet, that remains something that need not be addressed with a child. At one point, my father was not coming to see us regularly. Did my mother run my father down because of it? No. She simply said he was busy or could not come. There was an incident in which she confronted him, but prior to that, they told us to go to our room. Now that is maturity! Yet, my memory is of my father saying he did not have the money to take us out and do the things he wanted to do with us. My mother's response has stuck with me for 28 years, she said, "these kids don't care about your money they just want you." The relationship later built between my father and I was never built on the view my mother had of him, rather the interacts or lack thereof.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvMYz9VcvxoGh2Xp3xiAW66sDDDFp5h96t49TmJM_bl7GkvSNzln7ds0iW-EGc5nE_VK0SiuQezA3g41SrwgRzebMe6NMlDUod6VkjgoHqfI6LB2kzdXxe-9o3vQY6Qjip365G5sCRM2U/s1600-h/mouth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvMYz9VcvxoGh2Xp3xiAW66sDDDFp5h96t49TmJM_bl7GkvSNzln7ds0iW-EGc5nE_VK0SiuQezA3g41SrwgRzebMe6NMlDUod6VkjgoHqfI6LB2kzdXxe-9o3vQY6Qjip365G5sCRM2U/s200/mouth.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">3)<span style="font-weight: bold;"> "If you don't..."</span> Using children as a pawn in a tit for tat game is a glaring sign of emotional immaturity. "If you don't come over here you won't be able to see your children", "if you can't buy these kids a thing you might as well not come see them", and many more statements like that damage the father and the child. There are men who want nothing more than to give their child the world, but cannot for financial or other reasons. Using a child as a ruse to get him to do something damages is will and desire to do for his child(ren). A man is designed to be a protector and provider, when they have children they want to do those things for them because there is love that grows uncontrollably in them. The love coupled with being a protector and provider is their motivation for being around. When you take the opportunity for them to do what they naturally want for those they love you are taking away the power and pride they feel. It diminishes into a helplessness that no man ever wants to feel. Emotionally mature men are not monsters, but what the emotionally immature mother must know is that everyone has their breaking point.<br />
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4) <span style="font-weight: bold;">"We don't need him!"</span> Daniel Amneus, the author of <span style="font-style: italic;">It's Fatherhood That Makes Childhood Possible, </span>said this:</div><br />
<blockquote><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: italic;">"This is the hitch, the reason we have a feminist revolution: Females dislike sexual regulation. Feminists say 'A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle,' 'A woman has a sacred right to control her own sexuality,' 'End human sacrifice! Don't get married!' Women's primary object, according to feminist Anne Donchin, is to create a society in which 'women can shape their reproductive experiences to further ends of their own choosing.' " </span></span></blockquote><div style="text-align: justify;"> All too often, emotionally immature mothers play the "we don't need him card." For some reason they include the children in this statement, when it should be a singular statement about their need only. Children need their fathers. An emotional mature mother recognizes the need for the father. Regardless of what the mother may want, how the situation might have turned out, or what is not longer desired, the man will always be a father. No you may not need him, but all children need a healthy father.</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvuWIj9MYYLH-vD7jl5QEWrMHTm0iVGtzeArfWNyAc4LFapgIFNJpP5pxVhZigD5PIF6_g7RPl1fRCgXHAlwtJui5ePWn5z9M5DIR3RusvxIh8OduK6RzGNOr_UYkYAWDYwCgwlyfY42s/s1600-h/family+11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvuWIj9MYYLH-vD7jl5QEWrMHTm0iVGtzeArfWNyAc4LFapgIFNJpP5pxVhZigD5PIF6_g7RPl1fRCgXHAlwtJui5ePWn5z9M5DIR3RusvxIh8OduK6RzGNOr_UYkYAWDYwCgwlyfY42s/s200/family+11.jpg" /></a> When it comes to parenting healthy children, the uproar comes in custody. Rarely do you see cases where fathers get custody. However, it happens, and there many cases where children are obviously better off with there father. Though they may be better off with their father the mother uses them as a ploy, refuses to admit that they are better off somewhere else, or the father does not believe that he could get custody. When a woman chooses to bring a child into the world, there should be consideration given for the father. And the father ought to begin looking at what is in the best interest of their child. There are times that the hard truth should be told. That truth maybe that the father can provide better for the child than the mother. Yes, it does happen. In those cases, it should happen. </div><br />
Of the 2.5 million single fathers who are custodial parents: <br />
<ul><li>57% are divorced or separated</li>
<li>24% are currently married (In most cases, these numbers represent men who have remarried.)</li>
<li>16 percent are separated</li>
<li>38% have never married</li>
<li>4 percent are widowed</li>
<li>8% are raising three or more of their own children under 18 years old. </li>
<li>42% are divorced, , and . (The percentages of those divorced and never married are not significantly different from one another.) </li>
<li>16% live in the home of a relative or a non-relative. </li>
<li>27% have an annual family income of $50,000 or more. </li>
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<div style="text-align: justify;"> Single fathers are just as capable as a single mother, in rearing children. The <span style="font-style: italic;">Journal of Marriage and Family</span> published research by Douglas Downey, James Ainsworth Darnell, and Mikaela Dufur which looked at the possible differences between living with a single mother or father. The research concluded the following:</div><br />
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<blockquote><div style="font-style: italic;">Some researchers have claimed that the effects of living in a single-mother or single-father household won’t show up until adulthood, Downey said. To test this claim, the researchers examined data from the General Social Surveys collected by the National Opinion Research Center. They examined 4,400 adults who reported having lived with a single parent at age 16 (750 lived with a single father and 3,650 lived with a single mother). They looked again at a variety of measures, including years of education, family income and overall happiness.</div><div style="font-style: italic;">“Again, the overwhelming pattern was one of little difference between those who grew up in single-mother households compared to those who grew up in single-father households,” Downey said.</div><div style="font-style: italic;">Downey said family researchers need to distinguish between family characteristics that affect children’s development and those characteristics that do not.</div></blockquote><br />
<blockquote><div style="font-style: italic;">“People have assumed that the sex of the parent has a major effect on children’s development, but we found that isn’t the case,” he said. “Researchers need to focus on other factors, such as family resources, which seem to have a real impact.”</div></blockquote><div style="text-align: justify;"> Just as people love to throw fathers under the bus about being absent and sperm donors. And just as all too often the statement is said that making a baby does not make you a Dad. The same can be said about a woman. As a female, it is like being a part of a sorority. There are some things you just are not supposed to say against The Sisterhood. However, when it comes to the life of a child, in my book, all bets are off. Just because you carried the baby does not make you a Mother. Sometimes it should be Poppa's Baby and Momma's Maybe.</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-88901001991059436272009-12-27T17:18:00.002-05:002009-12-27T17:26:22.578-05:00Closer to My Dreams: Let It Burn<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDf6XmM6Oq839BDBzVyBN7bXKa91t5WzpEbG0TmC8vVhYevMw9CEKf1eYzObQj6pRamc_Dlgyrihyphenhyphen_ChsjsTtWuFG9TegSpXV9-f5ZMNIhVrWkS6EmcA2MuEfRAXJJy6FKuHf7GvDCD9k/s1600-h/phoenix.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDf6XmM6Oq839BDBzVyBN7bXKa91t5WzpEbG0TmC8vVhYevMw9CEKf1eYzObQj6pRamc_Dlgyrihyphenhyphen_ChsjsTtWuFG9TegSpXV9-f5ZMNIhVrWkS6EmcA2MuEfRAXJJy6FKuHf7GvDCD9k/s400/phoenix.jpg" /></a><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> With time ticking away from 2009 to 2010, there have been many conversations about the past 12 months. Often about what has or has not happened. For me it has been bittersweet, meaning there have been highs and lows. The end of a relationship, yet new found freedom and direction. Unfortunately, for some, the past seems to linger too long causing issues in the future. While thinking about that dilemma, I was reminded of of a ceremony I wanted to perform along with a tool I was taught during my training to be a <span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1261948657917">certified<span style="font-family: Arial;"> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Grief</span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" height="10" src="http://grief-recovery.com/OurHeart.gif" width="8" /></span></a></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://grief-recovery.com/">Recovery Specialist.</a></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span>At times, we can be overwhemed by failures, grief, hurt, pain, and disappointments to the point of being paralyzed or depressed. I have been there too and it is a place from which you can emerge.<br />
</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">The song <a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/sy-18086032/usher_burn_official_music_video/">Let It Burn</a> by Usher came to mind when I was thinking about the ceremony. It took that simple sentiment "let it burn" and applied it to the ceremony and thoughts of the past, since they are things no one can change. The only thing we can transform is our relationship to the past, the way we view it, and how much we allow it to effect our future.To make it simple, I call the ceremony, Let It Burn. The closer I get to my dreams the more stuff from the past emerges. But, if it is burned, it cannot come back. Anything that is burned cannot return.<br />
</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">There are things that haunt you. It may be the death of a mate, spouse, friend, relative, beloved pet, parent, sibling, or child. Some people have lost jobs, finances, health, relationships, and homes. Others have a change of life which may be hard to accept like empty nesters or grandparents who are now caring for their grandchildren. No matter what the situation it is all legitimate.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">In the past year, there have been things you have said or done to yourself as well, which meant you no good. Maybe you were lazy about working out, spent little quality time with family or friends, or neglected your health. Only you know the answer to that. No better time than the present to Let It Burn. Let it go, get it off your chest. How? The following are instructions for your own LET IT BURN CEREMONY.<br />
</div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><b>LET IT BURN CEREMONY</b><br />
</div><ol><li>Make a list of :</li>
<ul><li> people who have died in the past 12 months</li>
<li>things you regret doing or not doing</li>
<li>pains you were caused and by whom</li>
<li>pains which you have cause and to whom</li>
<li>express your disappointments</li>
</ul>
<li>Begin formulating your letter following this format:</li>
<ul><li>Dear (YOUR NAME), As I review the past year I have realized somethings I want to let go of to build a future of freedom.</li>
<ul><li>LIST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DIED any apologies you want to communicate to them, thins you want to be forgiven for, things you want to forgive, and share other things you want them to know. If there are multiple deaths, repeat the same process for each. Please let whatever emotions you feel be alright both the lack of emotion and showing emotion. Know that writing this section does not mean that you will no longer think of that person, you are simply allowing yourself to move beyond the hurt and pain. <br />
</li>
<li>WRITE ABOUT PAINS YOU WERE CAUSED by whom, what do you want them to know, and for what can you forgive them?</li>
<li>WRITE ABOUT PAINS YOU HAVE CAUSED to whom (including yourself), what were the pains/hurts, for what do you forgive yourself, for what do you want to be forgiven.</li>
<li>WRITE ABOUT THE DISAPPOINTMENTS YOU EXPERIENCED this year.</li>
<li>CLOSE THE LETTER however you feel comfortable, yet makes it clear you will no longer hold onto these things. You may use words like: Good bye, That's All, All is complete. Whatever you use should reflect you.</li>
<li>SIGN IT!</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<li>Reread the letter either to yourself or aloud (to yourself).</li>
<li>Prepare a safe place for a fire. Light the fire and place the letter in it. You may want to be silent during this time, pray, meditate, or recite the following:</li>
<ul><li>I forever release you. I no longer hold the right to punish you or me. From this moment on there is freedom. From this moment on I am complete.</li>
</ul>
<li>You may want to take a moment. However, following the last step, take another piece of paper and write at least 5 things you commit to being, doing, or having and by when you will accomplish these things. </li>
</ol><div style="text-align: justify;"> Since you have burned the past you can create anything. While writing the letter be free with it. Have fun, make them things that will inspire and excite you. Keep it in a place where you can view it often, maybe post it on a wall or frame it. Share the letter with friends and family, those people who will support you.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> I share this because the past can be a crutch for individuals and families. My son, affectionately known as "the Boy", and I will be participating in this ceremony on December 31st together. He will have his own letter, though he is 10, which will express his feelings and thoughts. For parents, this is a great way to allow children to express their grief, upsets, disappointments, and feelings about their lives as well. It is also a phenomenal tool for parents, couples, and families to begin a new chapter. You may share the ceremony with firends and family for your New Year's celebration. If you participte together you may consider sharing what you forgive and want to be forgiven for with those in the circle. No arguing, it defeats the purpose. And then, LET IT BURN!<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Please be sure to go to www.sidneygaskins.webs.com or www.sidneygaskins.podbean.com in the New Year to get information for New Dawning, a grief recovery group beginning in the new year. Why not start a new year with a New Dawning in life too?<br />
</div><br />
<embed allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" height="345" name="Metacafe_sy-14210988" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/sy-14210988/goapele_closer_official_music_video.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" wmode="transparent"></embed> <br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/sy-14210988/goapele_closer_official_music_video/">Goapele - Closer (Official Music Video)</a> - Watch more top selected videos about: <a href="http://www.metacafe.com/tags/Goapele/" title="Goapele">Goapele</a><br />
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</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-91258151616236632662009-12-01T15:33:00.000-05:002009-12-01T15:33:29.126-05:00OPEN ADOPTION: Estate Planning for the Adoptive Family<span>Estate Planning for the Adoptive Family</span> <br />
<div class="share_and_hide clearfix"><a class="share share_a" href="http://www.facebook.com/ajax/share_dialog.php?s=4&appid=2347471856&p%5B%5D=176026146316&p%5B%5D=175850139294" rel="dialog" title="Send this to friends or post it on your profile.">Share</a></div><div class="note_content text_align_ltr direction_ltr clearfix"> <div><b>By Cheryl N. Smith, Esq.</b><br />
<br />
My husband and I recently adopted a baby girl through domestic agency adoption. She is just the love of our lives and we have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of learning how to be her parents.<br />
<br />
In addition to being a new adoptive mother, I am also an estate planning attorney, so after our daughter was born, I sat down to rewrite our Wills. I realized that the fact that we have an adopted child raised a whole host of questions which, even after nine years of practice, took on a whole new meaning to me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that there are several issues and decisions that parents in adoptive families must be educated about that do not exist in families with only biological children.<br />
<br />
<b>Estate Planning in General</b><br />
<br />
Every parent that has a minor child needs to have an estate plan in order to ensure that child is protected and cared for, both personally and financially. An estate plan typically consists of a set of documents that set forth your wishes with respect to your person (i.e., health care decisions), your estate (i.e., financial decisions) and your children (i.e., guardianship decisions).<br />
<br />
The documents include a Will, a Trust, a Health Care Proxy, a Durable Power of Attorney, and a Parental Appointment of Guardian for Minors. While a good estate planning attorney can walk you through what each of these documents does, there are additional issues specific to adoption that an adoptive parent must consider when establishing an estate plan. Some of these issues are discussed below.<br />
<br />
<b>Choice of Guardian</b><br />
<br />
Choosing a guardian to care for your children in the event you become incapacitated or die is never an easy decision for any parent. But when you are an adoptive parent, it is even more complicated. The person you select to fill this role must be sensitive to the unique circumstances of your family, and it may require some extra thought and direction on your part to make sure your wishes are carried out.<br />
<br />
Things to consider include making sure your chosen guardian has all the facts about your child’s adoption so that as appropriate, they can share this information with your child. Also, if you are in an open adoption, will the person you chose as guardian follow through with helping to maintain that open relationship? In my own Will, I specifically state that if a nominated guardian is unwilling or unable to maintain a relationship with our daughter’s birth parents, that they respectfully decline to serve as guardian, in which case the nominated alternates will step in.<br />
<br />
I often recommend that adoptive parents prepare a letter, to be kept with their estate planning documents, spelling out the circumstances surrounding their child’s adoption and giving directions regarding continued contact with the birth family and anything else they feel is important about their child’s adoption.<br />
<br />
<b>Inheritance Rights</b><br />
<br />
Before your adoption is finalized, your child has no legal rights to your estate. Depending on from where your child is adopted and the type of adoption you have, it can take anywhere from 6 months to a matter of years to finalize an adoption.<br />
<br />
As soon as your child is placed with you, assuming it is intended to be a permanent placement, you should consider signing new Wills to include that child. Your will can include language that treats a child placed for adoption the same as a biological child or a child whose adoption has been finalized.<br />
<br />
<b>Trusts</b><br />
<br />
I always recommend that parents of young children leave their assets to a trust for the benefit of their child. It is never advisable to leave assets to a minor, first and foremost because legally they cannot take control of an inheritance, but also because leaving assets to a minor means continued court involvement and oversight until your child reaches the age of majority.<br />
<br />
With adoption, and particularly open adoption, the need for a trust is magnified as there may be people other than your immediate family that have a direct interest in your child’s life and well being. Keeping assets held for your child in a Trust under the control of a Trustee that you have chosen (rather than being subject to judicial process) is the best way to protect your child’s interests and preserve your assets for their benefit.<br />
<br />
Because a Trust is usually not a public document (as opposed to a Will which gets filed with the Probate Court), it also serves as a mechanism to privately set forth special financial considerations for your child, as further discussed below.<br />
<br />
<b>Special Financial Considerations</b><br />
<br />
There may be costs associated with raising an adopted child that go beyond making sure they are clothed, sheltered, fed and educated. If your plan for your child includes annual visits with the birth family, or a trip to the country from where they were adopted, this is something you should spell out. If they were adopted internationally, and you want them to have exposure to the culture of their homeland, you should incorporate provisions in your Trust specifically directing your Trustee to pay for travel, cultural programs, or anything else that might be related.<br />
<br />
<b>Supplemental Needs Trusts</b><br />
<br />
If your child has any disabilities or special needs, it will be even more important that you provide for him or her after you are gone. You should consider establishing a supplemental needs trust for your child to ensure that your child meet the financial eligibility rules for private or government assistance programs while preserving the assets you leave to him or her for needs not met by such programs.<br />
<br />
<b>Continued Planning</b><br />
<br />
Finally, you should periodically review your estate plan with an experienced estate planning attorney. Changes in the law, your family structure or financial situation are all events that warrant a revisit of your plan as they can have a dramatic impact on your estate plan.<br />
<br />
<i>Cheryl N. Smith is an estate planning attorney at the law firm of Bass, Doherty and Finks, P.C. www.bassdoherty.com She is also mom to her beautiful daughter adopted at birth through domestic, open adoption. She can be reached via email at csmith@bassdoherty.com or via telephone at (617)787-8948.</i> <br />
<br />
Copyright (c) 2009 Cheryl N. Smith</div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-65436826117649873352009-11-23T10:07:00.000-05:002009-11-23T10:07:55.872-05:00NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH: It Is How You Say It That Counts!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo-jN6vUcQELvRd3ji3LHieZY5p8eiFAY6wy50wSgGuGHUHrxYo-SFQa2EAt0IfE3_JgoF2X1i27J0X83hLJOFvHto-FYLUmP3TO9MBF3m1aRT1hebl0dFof82XRdAeTAdFZ9ByLlnDFE/s1600/Live_me_Alone_-_Lion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo-jN6vUcQELvRd3ji3LHieZY5p8eiFAY6wy50wSgGuGHUHrxYo-SFQa2EAt0IfE3_JgoF2X1i27J0X83hLJOFvHto-FYLUmP3TO9MBF3m1aRT1hebl0dFof82XRdAeTAdFZ9ByLlnDFE/s200/Live_me_Alone_-_Lion.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"> In light of the absolutely great teleseminar with Nelson de Witt and Kevin Hofmann, I thought it would be great to address some of the language used in the adoption "world". During our teleseminar, <a href="http://sidneygaskins.podbean.com/2009/11/22/approaching-the-search-adoptees-and-adoptive-parents-speak/">Approaching the Search: Adoptees and Adoptive Parents Speak</a> in which we addressed some of the issues that come up when adoptees want to begin looking for their brith family. One fo the subjects was the language used by both parties. The following is from USA Adoptions and gives some pointers and examples of the language used.<br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>POSITIVE ADOPTION LANGUAGE</b></span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Choosing to use positive adoption language will help end the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language, you’ll reflect the true nature of adoption, free of stereotypes. </span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Below are some examples of positive and negative adoption language.<br />
</div><table align="center" border="0" cellpadding="2" style="width: 400px;"><tbody>
<tr></tr>
<tr><td><div align="left"><b>Positive Adoption Language </b><br />
</div></td><td><div align="left"><b>Negative Adoption Language </b><br />
</div></td></tr>
<tr><td>Birth parent <br />
</td><td>Real parents<br />
</td></tr>
<tr><td>Birth child <br />
</td><td>Own child <br />
</td></tr>
<tr><td>My child <br />
</td><td>Adopted child; own child <br />
</td></tr>
<tr><td>Make an adoption plan <br />
</td><td>Give up your child <br />
</td></tr>
<tr><td>To parent <br />
</td><td>To keep<br />
</td></tr>
<tr><td>Child placed for adoption <br />
</td><td>An Unwanted Child <br />
</td></tr>
<tr><td>Court Terminated <br />
</td><td>Child Taken Away<br />
</td></tr>
<tr><td>Child with Special Needs <br />
</td><td>Handicapped Child<br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P. is a Certified Open Adoption Practitioner, an award winning author of 2 adoption books <a href="http://www.adoptingonline.com/" title="http://www.adoptingonline.com/">AdoptingOnline.com</a> and <a href="http://www.adoptionstepbystep.com/" title="http://www.adoptionstepbystep.com/">Adoption: Your Step-by-Step Guide</a>. Mardie is also the talk show host of <a href="http://www.letstalkadoption.com/" title="http://www.letstalkadoption.com/">Let's Talk Adoption.com with Mardie Caldwell</a> and the founder of <a href="http://www.lifetimeadoption.com/" title="http://www.lifetimeadoption.com/">Lifetime Adoption</a> in 1986. She travels and speaks nationwide on adoption topics, family topics, infertility and writing. She has been quoted in and consulted for Parenting and Adoption magazines and has appeared on CNN, CBS, ABC, BBC, NBC, and Fox. Featured in Parade Magazine, <st1:city w:st="on">Caldwell</st1:city> is an adoptive mother living in <st1:place w:st="on">Northern California</st1:place>.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-52739908806456553862009-11-23T09:37:00.000-05:002009-11-23T09:37:39.126-05:00NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH: Aging Out with Music in the Background<div class="Body" style="padding-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"> As a former social worker and now adoptive parent the issue of adoption for children in the United States foster care system are dear to my heart. For those who have never met me, adoption is a part of my family. It never occurred to me that I would not adopt, at some point and when I had the opportunity I did. Never did I think about the specific age of the child, but simply my desire to be a parent and provide a loving family for a child.<br />
</div></div><div class="Body" style="padding-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrhtHKw6xVColnz7nN6iqbVbLRnKwiHAcv8ArFUT_DLxYXKDtiDxrB6gxyv3DyrnPBSfv65PlAVYReeXqGZpzxGzCRvOSRAGiZtrtieL0OgohpJuet2IgoQ3ca98BH5XyiPyRNi1vx2xg/s1600/adoption++2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrhtHKw6xVColnz7nN6iqbVbLRnKwiHAcv8ArFUT_DLxYXKDtiDxrB6gxyv3DyrnPBSfv65PlAVYReeXqGZpzxGzCRvOSRAGiZtrtieL0OgohpJuet2IgoQ3ca98BH5XyiPyRNi1vx2xg/s200/adoption++2.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div class="Body" style="padding-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"> Working in the field of social work, specifically in child protective services, you see many things. Yes, you see children who are sexually abused by adults and other children. Yes, you will see children who are neglected educationally and emotionally. Yes, you will see children physically abused in ways the majority of society do not believe exist or does not want to think about. It would be asolutely foreign for the average adult working a 9-5 middle clas job to consider the conditions under which many childen live. When they are removed from the environments, it becomes the job of the State to provide for that child. And at the time the parents are deemed unfit, the State now becomes the "parent" and, in fact, needs to prove itself fit.</div><div class="Body" style="padding-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoEteOxoBaTfwha0P28W7s5NCz2DtFx98Jde_jKHqzhAI-BZulHlt5WGeVN9zyTIzW56fw2103txR2zkD0ULmeGbb5PgM3PsfQomgKEV4o3UChc5kCCYJOC2riHQTTZWFJVMxKTC8xKZk/s1600/parentconf2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoEteOxoBaTfwha0P28W7s5NCz2DtFx98Jde_jKHqzhAI-BZulHlt5WGeVN9zyTIzW56fw2103txR2zkD0ULmeGbb5PgM3PsfQomgKEV4o3UChc5kCCYJOC2riHQTTZWFJVMxKTC8xKZk/s200/parentconf2.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div class="Body" style="padding-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"> Unfortunately, the State, often fails these children. How? In an average home, at the point a child turns eighteen they have many basic skills: washing clothes, handling money, group interaction, maybe some job skills, and basic education. Not so for many children "aging out" of State care. They have been bounced around from home to home, maybe even institution to institution, and made the victim on many cases. When they turn eighteen, the road to normalcy has long sense been covered over with a trail of homes, social workers, failed grades, and broken relationships. Yet, the State says they are prepared to be adults and make in "the World". It is my contention that they are not prepared and the State is not doing a good job of preparing their own children for the World. Here some facts:<br />
</div><div class="Body" style="padding-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"> <br />
</div><ul><li>According to the most current AFCARS Report (Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System Report), 19,509 children aged out of foster care during FY 2002 in the United States.</li>
</ul><ul><li>Young adults who stayed in care after 18 were more than twice as likely to be enrolled in a school or training program as those who had been discharged (67% vs. 31%). <br />
</li>
</ul><ul><li>Young adults who stayed in care after 18, who had a high school diploma or GED, were over three times as likely as those no longer in care to be enrolled in a 2- or 4-year college. (37% vs. 12%). <br />
</li>
</ul><ul><li>Compared to the 19 year olds still in foster care, those who left the system were more likely to have become pregnant.<span style="font-size: xx-small;">73</span> <br />
</li>
</ul><span style="font-size: xx-small;"></span><ul><li>A study conducted with 216 emancipated foster youth attending a four-year university found that social support was an important factor in their educational success: nearly 87% had either a friend or family member to ask for help or advice if needed, 80% had contact with their birth family, and 60% still maintained relationships with their foster or kin-care parents.<span style="font-size: xx-small;">74</span><br />
</li>
</ul><div class="Body" style="padding-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"></div><div class="Body" style="padding-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"></div><div class="Body" style="padding-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"></div><div class="Body" style="padding-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"></div><div class="Body" style="padding-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"></div><div class="Body" style="padding-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"></div><div class="Body" style="padding-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"></div><div class="Body" style="padding-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"></div><div class="Body" style="padding-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;">With all of the issues involved with teens, concerns about them fitting in, and even behavioral issues they are worthy of homes, families full of love, and committed to providing them with stability not just for a few months, but for life. If you are interested in adoption, please contact your local social services agency through <a href="http://www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad/">National Child Welfare Gateway</a>. If you are interested in facts about children in foster and out-of-home care, you may read at <a href="http://www.abanet.org/child/education/National_EdFactSheet_2008.pdf">National Working Group on Foster Care and Education Fact Sheet</a>.<br />
</div>While searching Facebook for groups or pages which address "aging out" I ran into an interesting musical. A musical about "aging out"? It is more than some silly view, but bring the feeling of a teen in care to the forefront with elegance, humor, and a candidness that I have never seen. It highlights the issues with which I have already spoken, but from the view of teens and young adults preparing to be emancipated or "aging out".<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhns9TTVf84UKwE31vXKlhb-reFz0J9KXH9_o8y2zvZ7JgOD1A98daPAT723FfRzCg-teccFV8LgFQUpe68YeHQpSY1qG14ZBQQAmqZAMD6TPDGuLV-c9eaF54pLBSN5xLIDyifmr1fZ-A/s1600/aging+out.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhns9TTVf84UKwE31vXKlhb-reFz0J9KXH9_o8y2zvZ7JgOD1A98daPAT723FfRzCg-teccFV8LgFQUpe68YeHQpSY1qG14ZBQQAmqZAMD6TPDGuLV-c9eaF54pLBSN5xLIDyifmr1fZ-A/s320/aging+out.jpg" /></a><br />
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</div><a href="http://www.facebook.com/#/agingoutthemusical?v=wall&ref=ts"><b>AGING OUT</b></a> is a new rock musical that tells the stories of “the ones nobody wanted” - 18 year olds who are aging out of the foster care system into independent, adult life in one giant, scary leap - unlike “normal” teenagers who get to enter adulthood with baby steps and family supporting them on the way.<br />
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</div><div class="Body" style="text-align: justify;">We meet 13 of these teenagers as they meet each other, in a one-day “Independent Living Program” class taught by a social worker who starts out trying to teach them the “basics” of checkbooks and resumes but constantly discovers more in her students than she bargained for. <br />
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</div><div class="Body" style="text-align: justify;"><i><b>AGING OUT</b></i> (book and lyrics by Tara Redepenning and Hillary Rollins, music by Darin Goulet) was developed in 2009 by <a href="http://drama.arts.uci.edu/onstage.html" onclick="window.open(this.href); return false;" onkeypress="window.open(this.href); return false;" title="http://drama.arts.uci.edu/onstage.html">UC Irvine</a> in conjunction with the <a href="http://www.anmt.org/" onclick="window.open(this.href); return false;" onkeypress="window.open(this.href); return false;" title="http://www.anmt.org/">Academy for New Musical Theatre (ANMT)</a>. The UCI cast just recorded the AGING OUT cast album, which you can listen to right here (and also on <a href="http://www.facebook.com/agingoutthemusical" onclick="window.open(this.href); return false;" onkeypress="window.open(this.href); return false;" title="http://www.facebook.com/agingoutthemusical">Facebook</a>).<br />
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</div><div class="Body" style="text-align: justify;">Coming soon: video clips from the September 2009 staged reading of the show at UCI.<br />
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</div><div class="Body" style="text-align: justify;">We also welcome your <a href="http://www.agingoutthemusical.com/CONTACT_2.php" title="CONTACT_2.php">comments and questions</a>! If you’d like to be on our mailing list, send us an email that says so, on the <a href="http://www.agingoutthemusical.com/CONTACT_2.php" title="CONTACT_2.php">comments and questions</a> page. Or <a href="http://www.facebook.com/agingoutthemusical" onclick="window.open(this.href); return false;" onkeypress="window.open(this.href); return false;" title="http://www.facebook.com/agingoutthemusical">become a Fan of AGING OUT</a> on Facebook. <br />
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</div><div style="text-align: justify;">If you are a producer, theatre or producing organization interested in supporting the development of AGING OUT, please <a href="http://www.agingoutthemusical.com/CONTACT_2.php" title="CONTACT_2.php">contact us</a> about opportunities to become involved.<br />
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SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-17939103152533001342009-11-23T08:33:00.000-05:002009-11-23T08:33:07.474-05:00NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH: Lifelong Issues in Adoption<h2 style="text-align: center;">Lifelong Issues in Adoption</h2><div> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>By Deborah N. Silverstein and Sharon Kaplan</i><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoption is a lifelong, intergenerational process which unites the triad of birth families, adoptees and adoptive families forever. Adoption, especially of adolescents, can lead to both great joy and tremendous pain. Recognizing the core issues in adoption is one intervention that can assist triad members and professionals working in adoption better to understand each other and the residual effects of the adoption experience.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoption triggers seven lifelong or core issues for all triad members, regardless of the circumstances of the adoption or the characteristics of the participants:<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><ul><li>Loss</li>
<li>Rejection</li>
<li>Guilt and shame</li>
<li>Grief</li>
<li>Identity</li>
<li>Intimacy</li>
<li>Mastery/control</li>
</ul></b><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Clearly, the specific experiences of triad members vary, but there is a commonality of affective experiences which persists throughout the individual’s or family’s life cycle development. The recognition of these similarities permits dialogue among triad members and allows those professionals with whom they interface to intervene in proactive as well as curative ways.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">The presence of these issues does not indicate, however, that either the individual or the institution of adoption is pathological or pseudopathological. Rather, these are expected issues that evolve logically out of the nature of adoption. Before the recent advent of open and cooperative practices, adoption had been practiced as a win/lose or adversarial process. In such an approach, birth families lose their child in order for the adoptive family to gain a child. The adoptee was transposed from one family to another with time-limited and, at times, short-sighted consideration of the child’s long-term needs. Indeed, the emphasis has been on the needs of the adults – on the needs of the birth family not to parent and on the needs of the adoptive family to parent. The ramifications of this attitude can be seen in the number of difficulties experienced by adoptees and their families over their lifetime.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Many of the issues inherent in the adoption experience converge when the adoptee reaches adolescence. At this time three factors intersect: an acute awareness of the significance of being adopted; a drive toward emancipation; and a biopsychosocial striving toward the development of an integrated identity.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">It is not our intent here to question adoption, but rather to challenge some adoption assumptions, specifically, the persistent notion that adoption is not different from other forms of parenting and the accompanying disregard for the pain and struggles inherent in adoption.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">However, identifying and integrating these core issues into pre-adoption education, post-placement supervision, and all post-legalized services, including treatment, universalizes and validates triad member’s experiences, decreasing their isolation and feelings of helplessness.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><h3 style="text-align: center;">LOSS</h3><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoption is created through loss; without loss there would be no adoption. Loss then, is at the hub of the wheel. All birthparents, adoptive parents, and adoptees share in having experienced at least one major, life-altering loss before becoming involved in adoption. In adoption, in order to gain anything, one must first lose – a family, a child, a dream. It is these losses and the way they are accepted and, hopefully, resolved which set the tone for the lifelong process of adoption.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoption is a fundamental, life-altering event. It transposes people from one location in the human mosaic into totally new configuration. Adoptive parents, whether through infertility, failed pregnancy, stillbirth, or the death of a child have suffered one of life’s greatest blows prior to adopting. They have lost their dream child. No matter how well resolved the loss of bearing a child appears to be, it continues to affect the adoptive family at a variety of points throughout the family'’ live cycle issues of burgeoning sexuality and impending emancipation may rekindle the loss issue.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Birthparents lose, perhaps forever, the child to whom they are genetically connected. Subsequently, they undergo multiple losses associated with the loss of role, the loss of contact, and perhaps the loss of the other birthparent, which reshape the entire course of their lives.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoptees suffer their first loss at the initial separation from the birth family. Awareness of their adopted status is inevitable. Even if the loss is beyond conscious awareness, recognition, or vocabulary, it affects the adoptee on a very profound level. Any subsequent loss, or the perceived threat of separation, becomes more formidable for adoptees than their non-adopted peers.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">The losses in adoption and the role they play in all triad members lives have largely been ignored. The grief process in adoption, so necessary for healthy functioning, is further complicated by the fact that there is no end to the losses, no closure to the loss experience. Loss in adoption is not a single occurrence. There is the initial, identifiable loss and innumerable secondary sub-losses. Loss becomes an evolving process, creating a theme of loss in both the individual’s and family’s development. Those losses affect all subsequent development.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Loss is always a part of triad members’ lives. A loss in adoption is never totally forgotten. It remains either in conscious awareness or is pushed into the unconscious, only to be reawakened by later loss. It is crucial for triad members, their significant others, and the professional with whom they interface, to recognize these losses and the effect loss has on their lives.<br />
</div><table border="1"><tbody>
<tr><td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="33%"><h3>Birth Parent</h3></td> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="33%"> <h3>Adopted Person</h3></td> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="34%"> <h3>Adoptive Parent</h3></td> </tr>
<tr> <td valign="top" width="33%"> <h4>"I don’t know why but I always miss the supervised visits right before we go to court."</h4></td> <td valign="top" width="33%"> <h4>"You don’t love me anyway – I’m out of here."</h4></td> <td valign="top" width="34%"> <h4>"I know my son George will blow it right before his birthday party again."</h4></td> </tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><h3 align="center">REJECTION</h3><div style="text-align: justify;">Feelings of loss are exacerbated by keen feelings of rejection. One way individuals seek to cope with a loss is to personalize it. Triad members attempt to decipher what they did or did not do that let to the loss. Triad members become sensitive to the slightest hint of rejection, causing them either to avoid situation where they might be rejected in order to validate their earlier negative self-perceptions.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoptees seldom are able to view their placement into adoption by the birthparents as anything other than total rejection. Adoptees even at young ages grasp the concept that to be "chosen" means first that one was "un-chosen", reinforcing adoptees’ lowered self-concept. Society promulgates the idea that the "good" adoptee is the one who is not curious and accepts adoption without question. At the other extreme of the continuum is the "bad" adoptee who is constantly questioning, thereby creating feelings of rejection in the adoptive parents.<br />
</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">Birthparents frequently condemn themselves for being irresponsible, as does society. Adoptive parents may inadvertently create fantasies for the adoptee about the birth family which reinforce these feelings of rejection. For example, adoptive parents may block an adolescent adoptee’s interest in searching for birthparents by stating that the birthparents may have married and had other children. The implication is clear that the birthparents would consider contact with the adoptee an unwelcome intrusion.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoptive parents may sense that their bodies have rejected them if they are infertile. This impression may lead the infertile couple, for example, to feel betrayed or rejected by God. When they come to adoption, the adoptors, possibly unconsciously, anticipate the birthparents’ rejection and criticism of their parenting. Adoptive parents struggle with issues of entitlement, wondering if perhaps they were never meant to be parents, especially to this child. The adopting family, then, may watch for the adoptee to reject them, interpreting many benign, childish actions as rejection. To avoid that ultimate rejection, some adoptive parents expel or bind adolescent adoptees prior to the accomplishment of appropriate emancipation tasks.<br />
</div><table border="1"><tbody>
<tr> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="33%"> <h3>Birth Parent</h3></td> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="33%"> <h3>Adopted Person</h3></td> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="34%"> <h3>Adoptive Parent</h3></td> </tr>
<tr> <td valign="top" width="33%"> <h4>"I don’t tell anyone about the child I relinquished – they’d say, ‘how could you give away your own child’ and have nothing to do with me."</h4></td> <td valign="top" width="33%"> <h4>"I can’t imagine that no one in all of China wanted me – I must be pretty weird."</h4></td> <td valign="top" width="34%"> <h4>"Well, God didn’t like me very much – I could never birth a child."</h4></td> </tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<h3 align="center">GUILT/SHAME</h3><div style="text-align: justify;">The sense of deserving such rejection leads triad members to experience tremendous guilt and shame. They commonly believe that there is something intrinsically wrong with them or their deeds that caused the losses to occur. Most triad members have internalized, romantic images of the American family which remain unfulfilled because there is no positive, realistic view of the adoptive family in our society.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">For many triad members, the shame of being involved in adoption per se exists passively, often without recognition. The shame of an unplanned pregnancy, or the crisis of infertility, or the shame of having been given up remains unspoken, often as the unconscious motivator.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoptees suggest that something about their very being caused the adoption. The self-accusation is intensified by the secrecy often present in past and present adoption practices. These factors combine to lead the adoptee to conclude that the feelings of guilt and shame are indeed valid.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoptive parents, when they are diagnosed as infertile, frequently believe that they must have committed a grave sin to have received such a harsh sentence. They are ashamed of themselves, of their defective bodies, of their inability to bear children.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Birthparents feel tremendous guilt and shame for having been intimate and sexual; for the very act of conception, they find themselves guilty.<br />
</div><table border="1"><tbody>
<tr> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="33%"> <h3>Birth Parent</h3></td> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="33%"> <h3>Adopted Person</h3></td> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="34%"> <h3>Adoptive Parent</h3></td> </tr>
<tr> <td valign="top" width="33%"> <h4>"My mother said I broke her heart when I got pregnant. I’m just no good."</h4></td> <td valign="top" width="33%"> <h4>"If I was better my birth parents would have kept me – I guess I cried too much."</h4></td> <td valign="top" width="34%"> <h4>"If I were good enough to be a parent, God would have given me a baby."</h4></td> </tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<h3 align="center">GRIEF</h3><div style="text-align: justify;">Every loss in adoption must be grieved. The losses in adoption, however, are difficult to mourn in a society where adoption is seen as a problem-solving event filled with joy. There are no rituals to bury the unborn children; no rites to mark off the loss of role of caretaking parents; no ceremonies for lost dreams or unknown families. Grief washes over triad members' lives, particularly at times of subsequent loss or developmental transitions.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Triad members can be assisted at any point in the adoption experience by learning about and discussing the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (Kubler-Ross 1969).<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoptees in their youth find it difficult to grieve their losses, although they are in many instances aware of them, even as young children. Youngsters removed from abusive homes are expected to feel only relief and gratitude, not loss and grief. Adults block children’s expressions of pain or attempt to divert them. In addition, due to developmental unfolding of cognitive processes, adoptees do not fully appreciate the total impact of their losses until their adolescence or, for many, until adulthood. This delayed grief may lead to depression or acting out through substance abuse or aggressive behaviors.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Birthparents may undergo an initial, brief, intense period of grief at the time of loss of the child, but are encouraged by well-meaning friends and family to move on in their lives and to believe that their child is better off. The grief, however, does not vanish, and, in fact, it has been reported that birth mothers may deny the experience for up to ten years (Campbell 1979).<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoptive parents’ grief over the inability to bear children is also blocked by family and friends who encourage the couple to adopt, as if children are interchangeable. The grief of the adoptive parents continues as the child grows up since the adoptee can never fully meet the fantasies and expectations of the adoptive parents.<br />
</div><h3 align="center"><i>"As night follows day – grief follows loss."</i></h3><table border="1"><tbody>
<tr> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="33%"> <h3>Birth Parent</h3></td> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="33%"> <h3>Adopted Person</h3></td> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="34%"> <h3>Adoptive Parent</h3></td> </tr>
<tr> <td valign="top" width="33%"> <h4>"When I had my second child, I could only think about the one I gave away."</h4></td> <td valign="top" width="33%"> <h4>"I feel angry and since I can’t talk about it, I’ll show you by my actions."</h4></td> <td valign="top" width="34%"> <h4>"I already told Andy about his adoption – he’s known about it all of his life I can’t understand why he’s acting out now that he’s 12."</h4></td> </tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<h3 align="center">IDENTITY</h3><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoption may also threaten triad members’ sense of identity. Triad members often express feelings related to confused identity and identity crises, particularly at times of unrelated loss.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Identity is defined both by what one is and what one is not. In adoption, birthparents are parents and are not. Adoptive parents who were not parents suddenly become parents. Adoptees born into one family, a family probably nameless to them now, lose an identity and then borrow one from the adopting family.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoption, for some, precludes a complete or integrated sense of self. Triad members may experience themselves as incomplete, deficient, or unfinished. They state that they lack feelings of well-being, integration, or solidity associated with a fully developed identity.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoptees lacking medical, genetic, religious, and historical information are plagued by questions such as Who are they? Why were they born? Were they in fact merely a mistake, not meant to have been born, an accident? This lack of identity may lead adoptees, particularly in adolescent years, to seek out ways to belong in more extreme fashion than many of their non-adopted peers. Adolescent adoptees are overrepresented among those who join sub-cultures, run away, become pregnant, or totally reject their families.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">For many couples in our society a sense of identity is tied to procreation. Adoptive parents may lose that sense of generativity, of being tied to the past and future, often created through procreation.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoptive parents and birthparents share a common experience of role confusion. They are handicapped by the lack of positive identity associated with being either a birthparent or adoptive parent (Kirk 1964). Neither set of parents can lay full claim to the adoptee and neither can gain distance from any problems that may arise.<br />
</div><h3 align="center"><i>"Who the hell am I?"</i></h3><table border="1"><tbody>
<tr> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="33%"> <h3>Birth Parent</h3></td> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="33%"> <h3>Adopted Person</h3></td> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="34%"> <h3>Adoptive Parent</h3></td> </tr>
<tr> <td valign="top" width="33%"> <h4>"I’m a parent, but not a real parent – I never know how to answer when people ask, ‘do you have any children?’"</h4></td> <td valign="top" width="33%"> <h4>"If I can’t belong anywhere else I can belong to the Crips or the Moonies."</h4></td> <td valign="top" width="34%"> <h4>"I cringe when people ask, "Do you have any children of you own?"</h4></td> </tr>
</tbody></table><h3 align="center"> </h3><h3 align="center">INTIMACY</h3><div style="text-align: justify;">The multiple, ongoing losses in adoption, coupled with feelings of rejection, shame, and grief as well as an incomplete sense of self, may impede the development of intimacy for triad members. One maladaptive way to avoid possible reenactment of previous losses is to avoid closeness and commitment.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoptive parents report that their adopted children seem to hold back a part of themselves in the relationship. Adoptive mothers indicate, for example, that even as an infant, the adoptee was "not cuddly". Many adoptees as teen state that they truly have never felt close to anyone. Some youngsters declare a lifetime emptiness related to a longing for the birthmother they may have never seen.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Due to these multiple losses for both adoptees and adoptive parents, there may also have been difficulties in early bonding and attachment. For children adopted at older ages, multiple disruptions in attachment and/or abuse may interfere with relationships in the new family (Fahlberg 1979 a, b).<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">The adoptee’s intimacy issues are particularly evident in relationships with members of the opposite sex and revolve around questions about the adoptee’s conception, biological and genetic concerns, and sexuality.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">The adoptive parents’ couple relationship may have been irreparably harmed by the intrusive nature of medical procedures and the scapegoating and blame that may have been part of the diagnosis of infertility. These residual effects may become the hallmark of the later relationship.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Birthparents may come to equate sex, intimacy, and pregnancy with pain leading them to avoid additional loss by shunning intimate relationships. Further, birthparents may question their ability to parent a child successfully. In many instances, the birthparents fear intimacy in relationships with opposite sex partners, family or subsequent children.<br />
</div><table border="1"><tbody>
<tr> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="33%"> <h3>Birth Parent</h3></td> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="33%"> <h3>Adopted Person</h3></td> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="34%"> <h3>Adoptive Parent</h3></td> </tr>
<tr> <td valign="top" width="33%"> <h4>"It always hurts – but somehow I pick men who will hurt me again."</h4></td> <td valign="top" width="33%"> <h4>"The only think I know about my birthparents is they had sex at 14."</h4></td> <td valign="top" width="34%"> <h4>"I wonder if I love my son as much as I would if he were born to me?"</h4></td> </tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<h3 align="center">MASTERY/CONTROL</h3><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoption alters the course of one’s life. This shift presents triad members with additional hurdles in their development, and may hinder growth, self-actualization, and the evolution of self-control.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Birthparents, adoptive parents, and adoptees are all forced to give up control. Adoption, for most, is a second choice. Birthparents did not grow up with romantic images of becoming accidentally pregnant or abusing their children and surrendering them for adoption. In contrast, the pregnancy or abuse is a crisis situation whose resolution becomes adoption. In order to solve the predicament, birthparents must surrender not only the child but also their volition, leading to feelings of victimization and powerlessness which may become themes in birthparents’ lives.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Adoptees are keenly aware that they were not party to the decision which let to their adoption. They had no control over the loss of the birth family or the choice of the adoptive family. The adoption proceeded with adults making life-altering choices for them. This unnatural change of course impinges on growth toward self-actualization and self-control. Adolescent adoptees, attempting to master the loss of control they have experienced in adoption, frequently engage in power struggles with adoptive parents and other authority figures. They may lack internalized self-control, leading to a lowered sense of self-responsibility. These patterns, frequently passive/aggressive in nature, may continue into adulthood.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">For adoptive parents, the intricacies of the adoption process lead to feelings of helplessness. These feelings sometimes cause adoptive parents to view themselves as powerless, and perhaps not entitled to be parents, leading to laxity in parenting. As an alternative response, some adoptive parents may seek to regain the lost control by becoming overprotective and controlling, leading to rigidity in the parent/adoptee relationship.<br />
</div><table border="1"><tbody>
<tr> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="33%"> <h3>Birth Parent</h3></td> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="33%"> <h3>Adopted Person</h3></td> <td align="center" bgcolor="#00ffff" width="34%"> <h3>Adoptive Parent</h3></td> </tr>
<tr> <td valign="top" width="33%"> <h4>"It all happened <u>to</u> me – I guess I was just born a victim."</h4></td> <td width="33%"> <h4>"The most important decision of my life was made without my say – it doesn’t make sense so why don’t you understand that I’m no good at cause and effect thinking."</h4></td> <td valign="top" width="34%"> <h4>"I tried everything and still didn’t have a child – so I don’t really feel entitled to ACT like a parent."</h4></td> </tr>
</tbody></table><h3 align="center"> </h3><h3 align="center">SUMMARY</h3><div style="text-align: justify;">The experience of adoption, then can be one of loss, rejection, built/shame, grief, diminished identity, thwarted intimacy, and threats to self-control and to the accomplishment of mastery. These seven core or lifelong issues permeate the lives of triad members regardless of the circumstances of the adoption. Identifying these core issues can assist triad members and professionals in establishing an open dialogue and alleviating some of the pain and isolation which so often characterize adoption. Triad members may need professional assistance in recognizing that they may have become trapped in the negative feelings generated by the adoption experience. Armed with this new awareness, they can choose to catapult themselves into growth and strength.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Triad members may repeatedly do and undo their adoption experiences in their minds and in their vacillating behaviors while striving toward mastery. They will benefit from identifying, exploring and ultimately accepting the role of the seven core issues in their lives.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">The following tasks and questions will help triad members and professionals explore the seven core issues in adoption:<br />
</div><ul><li><b><i>List the losses, large and small, that you have experienced in adoption.</i></b></li>
<li><b><i>Identify the feelings associated with these losses.</i></b></li>
<li><b><i>What experiences in adoption have led to feelings of rejection?</i></b></li>
<li><b><i>Do you ever see yourself rejecting others before they can reject you? When?</i></b></li>
<li><b><i>What guilt or shame do you feel about adoption? What feelings do you experience when you talk about adoption?</i></b></li>
<li><b><i>Identify your behaviors at each of the five stages of the grief process. Have you accepted your losses?</i></b></li>
<li><b><i>How has adoption impacted your sense of who you are?</i></b></li>
</ul><div style="text-align: left;">This article was can be read along with other information at <span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.fairfamilies.org/newsfromfair/1999/99LifelongIssues.htm"><strong>FAIR - Families Adopting In Response</strong></a></span>.<br />
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-64718625626648418082009-11-23T08:24:00.000-05:002009-11-23T08:24:21.593-05:00NATIONAL ADTOPION MONTH: Pigeon Holed<h1 class="entry-title">Pidgeon-holed</h1><div class="entry-byline"> <!--<address class="author vcard"><br />
by <a class="url fn" href="http://anasmiracle.com">Nelson de Witt</a>. </address>--> </div>While searching the web to see what other people were saying about Suzanne Berghaus I came across the <a );="" href="http://kadnexus.wordpress.com/" kadnexus="" onclick="javascript:pageTracker._trackPageview('/outbound/article/kadnexus.wordpress.com'); javascript:urchinTracker(" site=""><span>The Transracial Korean Adoptee Nexus</span></a> blog. The site’s focus is on Korean Adoption and Pan-Asian identity issues it also looked at other adoptee related news. The goal of the site is to “empower transracial adoptees to speak out and speak with each other.”<br />
kadnexus makes a an excellent point in his <a );="" href="http://kadnexus.wordpress.com/2007/04/06/el-salvadoran-adoptee-story-in-the-ny-times/" kadnexus="" onclick="javascript:pageTracker._trackPageview('/outbound/article/kadnexus.wordpress.com'); javascript:urchinTracker(" post="" title="post">post</a> about the story.<br />
<blockquote><span style="font-size: large;">"</span>Once again I find myself coming back to this idea of identity where transracial adoptees exist within their own space of identity. Just as many are torn between the duality of American/White culture (that they were raised on) and their birth country’s culture, it seems that trying to classify the nuanced situations ofadoptees as either immigrant or refugee is too complex.<br />
We are still considered Asian by appearance, conform to various stereotypes of the already pervasive and systemic virus of over-achievement, yet we also have been raised within middle to affluent White Christian America-raised on many of the same values and logic that most Whites use to manipulate programs such as affirmative action, andracialize people of color. We are inherently taught how to socialize with mainstream white society, communicate with impeccable English, and are given the resources needed to survive. I realize that quite a few of us turned out “ok” but I think it was an interesting analysis that really considers the privileged status from which we come from as Asian American adoptees.<span style="font-size: large;">"</span><br />
</blockquote>I think he makes a great point. Where do transracial adoptees fit in? While many of of benefit from our up brings at the same time it alienates us from our own people. My comment to him was that to white people I am Hispanic and to Hispanics I’m a gringo/white. Where does that leave me? With out a defined culture perhaps.<br />
<br />
His response was that “America is all about pidgeon-holing people into picking sides (similarly for biracial people) we are made to feel as though we HAVE to choose sides to be legimitate individuals” I completely agree with this. Growing up I remember one of my friends of a mix racial background “picked” a side that people thought was wrong. She was given a lot of crap for not acknowledging her “black” heritage.<br />
I guess why question is: Isn’t this what America is all about? What makes America great is that it has become this melting pot of culture. That we have all these different points of view and life experiences. Why should we be made to feel like this is a bad thing?<br />
<br />
Kadnexus’ goal is to “empower adoptees to feel this space as their own-I think that our identity is unique.” I think is a great goal since a big part of being a transracial adoptee or biracial individual is picking sides.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaV-aIOlBs7wS9LmpGWnU0OXOsxl9q5kFTsxy6OzH7W-OrKGi52-BJhiKuCShyphenhypheniUqIqzJEb8LhRaGItIs98-YSNh-6my9_fO3q0bt_05nwoI1L_Zmh-ZmcQWW01vE5lNmk6BY5jiT_Rfg/s1600/Nelson.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaV-aIOlBs7wS9LmpGWnU0OXOsxl9q5kFTsxy6OzH7W-OrKGi52-BJhiKuCShyphenhypheniUqIqzJEb8LhRaGItIs98-YSNh-6my9_fO3q0bt_05nwoI1L_Zmh-ZmcQWW01vE5lNmk6BY5jiT_Rfg/s200/Nelson.JPG" /></a><br />
</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><strong><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Nelson de Witt</span></strong><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">, was born in El Salvador, adopted by parents in the America, and is often a speaker on the topic of transracial adoptions. He is social entrepreneur, photographer and digital native with a passion for life. Separated from my family in the Salvadorian Civil War, adopted by a family in America, he was reunited with his biological family 10 years ago. He now works to combine business principle with social objectives. Nelson has a blog <a href="http://www.anasmiracle.com/">Ana’s Miracle</a> dedicated to sharing his story of adoption and encouraging open dialogue within adoptive families.</span></span><br />
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-41084516729429324712009-11-12T06:25:00.000-05:002009-11-12T06:25:37.369-05:00NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH: Adoption Speaks<h1>Approaching the Search: Adoptees and Adoptive Parents Speak<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;"></span></span></h1><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;"> </span></span>Tuesday, November 17, 2009 from 8:30 PM - 9:30 PM (ET)</b><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Addressing the topic of adoptees searching for their birthparents can be touchy for both the adoptee and their adoptive parents. There are concerns on both sides. This open forum and teleseminar features two adoptees and an adoptive parent. Our intention is to address the sensitive topic of searching for biological parents from both the adoptee and adoptive parent perspective with empathy, understanding, and straight conversation. A few topics that will be addressed:</span></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span>·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Adoptive parent fears </span></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span>·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Adoptee fears of addressing parents with the desire to search</span></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span>·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Terminology used </span></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span>·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">How to prepare for the conversation</span></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span>·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Process of addressing biological parents as part of the adoptee</span></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol;"><span>·<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Non-threatening ways to address biological parentage with adoptees for adoptive parents</span></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">If you are considering adopting, have adopted, are an adoptee, or work in the field this is a call you will want to attend. It will provide a level of conversation, perspectives, and tips that will make a difference. Be sure to bring your questions, thoughts, and concerns to this fabulous gathering of speakers willing to share their experiences and advice with you.</span><br />
</span><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="http://adoptionspeaks.eventbrite.com/">REGISTER NOW!</a></span><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><strong><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></strong><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><strong><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 115%;">Your Speakers<br />
</span></strong><br />
</div><div id="editpicture" style="left: 221px; top: 84px;"><img alt="Sample picture" height="133" src="http://imgcash4.imageshack.us/img145/9199/20070102232402editedli8.jpg" style="clip: rect(0px, 640px, 480px, 0px); float: left; margin: 0px; position: relative;" title="Sample picture" width="99" /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Sidney Gaskins</span></strong><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">, adopted her son, when he was 3 years old. She is a former social worker, who was able to adopt a child from State foster care. She is no stranger to adoption, there are 4 people adopted in her family which made it easy for her to make the choice to adopt. Sidney is an advocate for adoption, children in foster care, and healthy family relationships. She has chosen to dedicate her blog <a href="http://enterprisinglife.blogspot.com/">The Pulse</a> to bringing awareness to the need for adoption and foster care support through a 30 Day Blogathon.</span></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div id="editpicture" style="left: 195px; top: 96px;"><img alt="Sample picture" height="151" src="http://imgcash5.imageshack.us/img84/7180/nelsono.jpg" style="clip: rect(0px, 640px, 480px, 0px); float: right; margin: 0px; position: relative;" title="Sample picture" width="124" /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">Nelson de Witt</span></strong><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;">, was born in El Salvador, adopted by parents in the America, and is often a speaker on the topic of transracial adoptions. He is social entrepreneur, photographer and digital native with a passion for life. Separated from my family in the Salvadorian Civil War, adopted by a family in America, he was reunited with his biological family 10 years ago. He now works to combine business principle with social objectives. Nelson has a blog <a href="http://www.anasmiracle.com/">Ana’s Miracle</a> dedicated to sharing his story of adoption and encouraging open dialogue within adoptive families.</span></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif;"> <br />
</span><br />
</div><div id="editpicture" style="left: 174px; top: 72px;"><img alt="Sample picture" height="156" src="http://imgcash5.imageshack.us/img69/321/kevinh.jpg" style="clip: rect(0px, 640px, 480px, 0px); float: left; margin: 0px; position: relative;" title="Sample picture" width="119" /></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 11pt;">Kevin Hofmann</span></strong><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 11pt;">, </span><span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 11pt;">is the biracial son, of a white mother and black father. Kevin was immediately placed in a foster home and adopted by a white Lutheran minister, his white wife and their three white children. Rising from these struggles is an inspiring story of a transracial family who grew up in one of the most racially volatile cities in America and survived. Now married with two sons of his own, he hopes to help encourage <strong>transracial families</strong> by sharing his experiences through humor and naked honesty. You can read more from Kevin at <a href="http://mymindonpaper.wordpress.com/">My Mind on Paper</a>, his blog.</span></span><br />
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-69459519746322716302009-11-10T08:47:00.000-05:002009-11-10T08:47:58.731-05:00NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH: Outstanding Leaders Awarded<div style="text-align: justify;"><b> 100 current and former foster youth receive national honor for personal achievement and community service.</b><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU6w3XNQNX2EJ0DG9KUvjx5FdVZILjIrd8bMNTTw9sIIaZaQXVPlgjNm8H28kZCxSX18uufo9SjUC2BMuxUi4cpyIyu8kkCGkXiIkYN-ie6ac3yZrQaJYGFzyNi0nMW4lv6by5dWE_3M0/s1600-h/champion+trophy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU6w3XNQNX2EJ0DG9KUvjx5FdVZILjIrd8bMNTTw9sIIaZaQXVPlgjNm8H28kZCxSX18uufo9SjUC2BMuxUi4cpyIyu8kkCGkXiIkYN-ie6ac3yZrQaJYGFzyNi0nMW4lv6by5dWE_3M0/s200/champion+trophy.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">WASHINGTON, D.C. – One hundred young people who have been in foster care were named <a href="http://www.fosterclub.com/article/2009-outstanding-young-leaders"><b>Outstanding Young Leaders of 2009</b></a> in celebration of National Foster Care Month. The recipients from all across the U.S. were honored by FosterClub, the national network for youth in foster care, for their leadership, accomplishments, educational achievement, and community service <br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">“Advocating for better policies – and lives – for children and youth in foster care is my passion,” said <a href="http://states.fosterclub.com/connecticut/young-leaders/wilfredo-soto">Wilfredo Soto</a>, a 19 year old Outstanding Young Leader from Connecticut. “As a foster youth, I know what it feels like to be abandoned, stigmatized and traumatized. I am dedicated to creating positive change for children who have experienced what I have.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Photographs and personal stories of each of the 100 Outstanding Young Leaders can be viewed on the FosterClub website at: <a href="http://www.fosterclub.org/" title="www.fosterclub.org">www.fosterclub.org</a>. The Young Leaders include:<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">• 21 year old <a href="http://www.fosterclub.com/young-leaders/kimberly-jane-snodgrass">Kimberly Snodgrass</a>. After shuffling in and out of foster care, Kimberly was adopted at age 16. Although she did not attend school full-time until age 11, Kimberly graduated from high school with honors and is currently a senior at UC-Irvine. She has written two books on her experiences in foster care and has been accepted to Harvard University, where she hopes to receive a Masters degree in Education and work in the non-profit sector helping foster youth. “Look out for Kimberly,” her nominator said. “She WILL be making a difference.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">• 16 year old <a href="http://www.fosterclub.com/young-leaders/george-white">George White</a>. George entered foster care at age 2 after his father died. Though he has 13 siblings, he has not seen them in many years. A high school junior, George is an aspiring film-maker who has shot and directed videos for Apl.De.Ap of the Black Eyed Peas and for the nonprofit organization Peace4Kids.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">• 20 year old <a href="http://states.fosterclub.com/ohio/young-leaders/cedric-riley">Cedric Riley</a>. Cedric spent 7 years in Ohio’s foster care system before being adopted. Cedric has received more than $150,000 in academic scholarships at Ohio State University. He often serves as a motivational speaker and in 2008 Cedric hosted a statewide rally titled “Success Is a Choice.” Cedric says “I’ve dedicated my life to making a difference in the lives of foster youth by providing hope and encouragement through my life story.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">“Despite the hardships and setbacks these Outstanding Young Leaders faced, they have already achieved great success. As importantly, these inspiring young people are committed to making a difference for the children and youth still in foster care,” said Congressman Jim McDermott (D-WA), chair of the U.S. House of Representatives Income Security and Family Support Subcommittee which has jurisdiction over the nation’s child welfare system. “They serve as tremendously effective mentors and role models for youth still in foster care and are working hard to improve the foster care system and the lives and futures of the children in its care.” McDermott has been a dedicated advocate for foster children and introduced and championed the Fostering Connections to Success and Increasing Adoptions Act that was signed into law last year and represented the most significant reform in the child welfare system in over a decade.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">“What motivates me is knowing that my success is not about me. My success, my story and my hard work will pave the way so that others can have a chance to reach their dreams,” said Keisha Shelton, a Howard University junior and Outstanding Young Leader. “Just because we are in foster care, we shouldn’t get an unfair shot at life...We deserve more.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Foster care was designed as a temporary solution to remove children from abuse and neglect, but children often languish in foster care before returning to their families, joining new adoptive families or living permanently with relative caregivers. More than 26,000 young people “aged out” of foster care last year without a permanent family to rely upon. Research reveals that many youth who “age out” of foster experience homelessness, unemployment, incarceration or illness – fewer than 3% of youth who age out of foster care graduate from college and nearly 1 in 5 become homeless.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">For more information about FosterClub’s Outstanding Young Leaders and to read the bios of the 2009 recipients, visit <a href="http://www.fosterclub.org/" title="www.fosterclub.org">www.fosterclub.org</a>.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>ABOUT FOSTERCLUB:</b> FosterClub is the national network for young people in foster care. FosterClub's mission is to improve life for young people in foster care through a national network that is built for youth and powered by youth. The organization is founded on the principle that young people in and from foster care deserve to be connected, informed, inspired and represented. At the FosterClub Web site, <a href="http://www.fosterclub.org/" title="www.fosterclub.org">www.fosterclub.org</a>, youth ask questions and get answers. They discover other successful former foster youth, share opinions about their foster care experience, get recognition for overcoming obstacles, and connect with supportive adults.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuLClbidJuV2oDwJjyxZgqV0A7BFK9w1_7HbYniihqTvDECIlIfabRX0riZJxGSvLwGQg-9KUSIOaKjtdpmiOEChSpLJ6REBhXbtubyYSFLskeLezdWxXRh_oyOx-64fhwHNfHRJ1Mx7g/s1600-h/because+you+can.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuLClbidJuV2oDwJjyxZgqV0A7BFK9w1_7HbYniihqTvDECIlIfabRX0riZJxGSvLwGQg-9KUSIOaKjtdpmiOEChSpLJ6REBhXbtubyYSFLskeLezdWxXRh_oyOx-64fhwHNfHRJ1Mx7g/s200/because+you+can.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>GETTING INVOLVED:</b></span><br />
<br />
</div>November is National Adoption Month. Please consider the opportunity to adopt, foster, mentor, or be an advocate for children in foster care. You may also have the desire to provide clothing or supplies to foster children, you can do that through <a href="http://clothingouryouth.webs.com/donate.htm">Clothing Our Youth</a>. We collect gift cards and share them with a designated charity which provides supplies, free of charge, to foster parents for the children. Today is the perfect day to <a href="http://clothingouryouth.webs.com/donate.htm">donate</a>.<div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-64335091282468657812009-11-09T07:58:00.000-05:002009-11-09T07:58:50.361-05:00NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH: Jeremy's Story<div class="field field-type-image field-field-leader-image"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item odd" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="from-jeremy-sq.png" src="http://www.fosterclub.com/files/imagecache/Leader_Image_Regular/files/leaderimages/from-jeremy-sq.png" title="2009 FosterClub All-Star Jeremy Long" /><br />
</div></div></div><div style="text-align: justify;">As a child growing up in a broken home, it was extremely hard for me to create and hold onto healthy relationships. Bouncing from parent to parent and town to town made it very difficult to stay in touch with any of the friends that I had in school or any of the families neighboring me. Until I entered foster when I was age 12 I had no idea what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like. I was kidnapped from my mom by my dad at the age of five and was released at the age of seven. In those two years I was put through hell. In my memory of this period, my dad tortured me mentally, physically and emotionally by not allowing me to eat, sleep or use the bathroom. If I was allowed to sleep, I slept on a filthy couch where the dog slept. The “room” they dead bolted me into was a box-filled storage space that had a pair of sliding doors connecting the room next to it. My dad’s girlfriend had drilled holes in the doors so she could spy on me making sure that I did not sit or lay on the floor.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div></div><div style="text-align: justify;">After two years of the torture my dad finally returned me to my mom. When I arrived at my mom’s house she was so excited to see me that she would not let me out of her arms. I was just as excited to see her because I was finally away from the abuse; but after just a few good years with my mom, the abuse started again. She became an alcoholic and a prostitute. She would bring home random men on a nightly basis who would verbally abuse me. When she got drunk she would get mad at me and begin throwing objects such as glass cups, forks, knives and anything else she could get her hands on. Luckily I was able to dodge the objects, but at the age of eleven it was scary. She also had a bad habit of driving under the influence, which caused us to get into multiple car accidents. Due to my mom’s drinking problem she would spend her entire paycheck on alcohol that resulted in us being evicted from our homes and my mom losing her jobs. After losing our last house we moved in with one of my sisters and on my birthday my mom found a trucker and left for California. <br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Because of the abuse I was put through as a child I was not able to get close to anyone when I entered foster care. I had a lot of issues when it came to trusting anyone that I met in my life and it was especially hard for me to trust men since all I went through with my dad was two years of bad experiences.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I remember a conversation that I had with my foster mom when I entered the home at age 12 and it involved my education. She was well aware of how unstable my educational situation was growing up and she assured me, unless I chose differently, that I would stay in the same high school all four years. I was very excited to hear of this because I had a hard time maintaining relationships because I moved and switched schools so much. But as time went on and my foster mom continuously introduced me to her friends and family I began trusting people again and was able to feel that I wasn’t in danger of losing everything. I never had the ideal family to look up to; simply meaning father, mother and some kids. That all changed when my foster mom had introduced me to one of her friend’s son when I was about 12. Our relationship grew quickly since we were on the same cycling team and since our parents were good friends. We soon became inseparable and I would spend quite a bit of time at each others houses. This is where I began noticing what an ideal family was supposed to look like. I looked up to my best friend’s dad as the man I should role model. My foster mom always reminded me of this as well. Having that role model really helped me mature into the man I am today.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">As mentioned before, until I entered foster care I had no idea what a real family was supposed to look like. Entering foster care required me to create my own family. When people that weren’t aware of my situation would ask about my parents it was difficult for me to disclose that I only had a mother. They would then express their curiosity and ask the status of my father and I would then discuss my situation as a foster youth. Creating my family within foster care was surprisingly easy. I quickly became accepting of my situation realizing that where I was in life was where I fit best. I was happy, loved and for once in my life, stable. This was only possible with the support and encouragement that I consistently received from my newfound family. To this day I consider my foster mom as my mom and my best friend’s family has supported me as if I were one of their own. Because of this support it has shaped the values and morals and has heightened my sense of maturity shaping me into the man I am today.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>FosterClub All-Star <a href="http://allstars.fosterclub.com/article/jeremy-long">Jeremy Long</a>, age 21, spent 5 years in Colorado’s foster care system. With foster care being new to both Jeremy and his foster mom, they met the challenge together. He is currently a senior at the University of Northern Colorado majoring in communication and enjoys spending time with his dog and in the company of friends in his free time. Jeremy spent last summer participating in FosterClub’s <a href="http://allstars.fosterclub.com/article/about-all-stars">All-Star internship</a>, where he worked to promote awareness, advocate, and provide motivation to his younger peers still coming through the foster care system. FosterClub is the national network for young people in foster care. Read more about Jeremy and other young leaders of FosterClub at www.fosterclub.org.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>GETTING INVOLVED:</b></span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">November is National Adoption Month. Please consider the opportunity to adopt, foster, mentor, or be an advocate for children in foster care. You may also have the desire to provide clothing or supplies to foster children, you can do that through <a href="http://clothingouryouth.webs.com/donate.htm">Clothing Our Youth</a>. We collect gift cards and share them with a designated charity which provides supplies, free of charge, to foster parents for the children. Today is the perfect day to <a href="http://clothingouryouth.webs.com/donate.htm">donate</a>.<br />
</div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-15932765416442521472009-11-09T07:25:00.000-05:002009-11-09T07:57:54.676-05:00NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH: In Focus<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>BILLY MILLS</b></span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">As a child I remember seeing <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Running-Brave-Robby-Benson/dp/B00097E6TU">Running Brave</a>, starring Robbie Benson. It is basically the story of the American Indian that overcame adversity to go on to win the 10,000 meter long distance race in the Tokyo Olympics, which is extraordinarily inspiring. Most often, in school, I was used to hearing stories of discrimination between White and Black. This gave me a new perspective on the issue of diversity and discrimination of other peoples. His story is significant in many ways, the discrimination to which he was subjected and that he overcame being torn between two cultures: American Indian and White American. At the age of 13, Billy found himself orphaned.While attending Haskell Institute, which is now known as <a href="http://www.haskell.edu/" title="Haskell Indian Nations University">Haskell Indian Nations University</a> in Lawrence, Kansas; he gave up boxing to focus on running. As a former foster child, or as it was put in his day "child in care", I have always found his story extraordinary and inspiring. You never know who you are fostering.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Thank you to <a href="http://www.fosterclub.com/">FosterClub</a> for their permission to use this article. FosterClub is the national network for young people in foster care and is headquartered in Seaside, Oregon. The organization’s mission is to lead the efforts of young people in and from foster care to become connected, educated, inspired and represented so they can realize their personal potential and contribute to a better life for their peers.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrpcgRsUzT-1lkX8xSJXoXcZAX-OqzIoYXRZqUE3wJwdhWiFFvoJbG4vJzd4geL9mto8Qgwv4CwGkO28JFsduycEpeBNugBnHj66ywe2WEPDmOMCyM3_sIzL46rWLYTXGyTBK8D0P7_AM/s1600-h/billy+mills.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrpcgRsUzT-1lkX8xSJXoXcZAX-OqzIoYXRZqUE3wJwdhWiFFvoJbG4vJzd4geL9mto8Qgwv4CwGkO28JFsduycEpeBNugBnHj66ywe2WEPDmOMCyM3_sIzL46rWLYTXGyTBK8D0P7_AM/s320/billy+mills.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Many consider it the most sensational race ever run in Olympic History. It was the 10,000 meter race at the 1964 Olympics in Tokyo. No American had ever won the event. And no American was expected to win the event that year. Australia’s Ron Clark who was world famous in the event was favored to win, with second place expected to be taken by a Tunisian runner. Experts felt that any of the runners were capable of third place – there wasn’t a stand-out. The American Olympic Team sponsors had so little faith in Mills that he was initially refused a pair of running shoes because they only had enough shoes for those who were expected to win.<br />
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<div></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The race started out as predicted. The Australian and the Tunisian broke away from the pack at the beginning of the race and stayed in first and second position for nearly the whole race. For the USA, a Native American Marine named Billy Mills was back in the pack- so far that he looked completely out of contention. Although he was near last, Mills had not given up on himself and was performing as he always did during his years of practice for this event: “The sleek Native American…(was)…running as smoothly as the wind, without effort, in perfect control”.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Suddenly on the last stretch of the final lap, as if he had planned the race just as it was unfolding, Billy Mills stepped up his smooth pace, began to overtake the pack, recovered from a near stumble, closed in on the two leaders, then at the last possible minute, streaked pass them. Unbelievably Mills took the tape! America had won gold in one of the biggest upsets in Olympic History. Billy Mills crossed the finish line with a record setting time of 28 minutes 24.01 seconds.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">That day in Tokyo, with Olympic Gold around his neck, Billy Mills became a national hero. In 92 years of Olympic History, no American had ever won the 10,000 meter run.<br />
But his spectacular win did not give a hint of the obstacles Mills had overcome in his life.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Billy Mills was born June 30, 1938. He was born on the reservation in Pine Ridge, South Dakota, desolate, poverty stricken and even today considered the poorest county in the United States. Billy’s mom was one quarter Sioux and died when Mills was seven years old. His dad, who was three quarters Sioux died when Billy was 12.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">One of the big problems with this background was that being part Lakota Indian and part Caucasian made Billy “mixed blood” in the Indian community, which was very unacceptable. In the white community being Indian was unacceptable, also. Billy was an outsider and he had no mom or dad to help him deal with the rejection he experienced.<br />
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</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvEqZu2fyuWtlXL42Lg6pdLMJGmjn-YU2eQfW9sdu538nTCwyhtpX0VtlKm4oJSV6bfKnAtuc-OkqdkFXnRH0ROyWPtFI8AEX8VIcz56uj9sB8zqEkhMr_Y7CwmYQBM7uypg_gMbiaFvA/s1600-h/bills-mills-olympics.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvEqZu2fyuWtlXL42Lg6pdLMJGmjn-YU2eQfW9sdu538nTCwyhtpX0VtlKm4oJSV6bfKnAtuc-OkqdkFXnRH0ROyWPtFI8AEX8VIcz56uj9sB8zqEkhMr_Y7CwmYQBM7uypg_gMbiaFvA/s320/bills-mills-olympics.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">After the loss of both his parents, Mills was sent to a boarding school on the reservation as a child in care then later to another boarding school in Lawrence, Kansas. He took up running as a way to deal with not being accepted. “I would run five or 10 miles on weekends to get away from everybody else. And I cried. I’d be crying while I was running. A half-blood and an orphan – you couldn’t get much lonelier than that”.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The summer after his high school freshman year, Billy worked on the reservation and lived out of his old car. One morning when he awoke, he recalled something his Dad told him: that the only thing between him and success was hard work. Since his Dad’s passing, Billy had been running as therapy for his pain and loneliness. Suddenly the running took on a new dimension.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Billy looked at running in a new light. He began to see that he had talent as a runner and with hard work, his achievements in track could become his ticket to acceptance. By his senior year, he earned a track scholarship to the University of Kansas. At the University, he built a successful athletic career excelling at track and even won some fame as a runner.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">During this time Mills made his first attempt at his longtime dream: to be a member of the USA Olympic Team. When he didn’t make the 1960 squad, he was discouraged and he gradually began to let go of his dream to compete in track. He was giving up on his personal life, too. He felt that he was being judged unfairly because he was Native American. He didn’t feel accepted by students and faculty, even with his own classmates and coach. 3 When he returned to the Reservation in the summer, he felt rejected again, accused of taking on the white man’s life. He felt he didn’t fit in anywhere.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Upon graduation from the University of Kansas, Billy married his long time sweetheart and took a commission in the United States Marine Corps. He says: “All my life I felt like I didn’t belong. The Marine Corps said ‘You belong’”. To this day, Mills encourages youth to consider the Marines. “I always mention the Marine corps in my speeches because it had such an influence on my life. The Marine Corps and sports were the only places I felt like I belonged, like I had a home…. The Marine Corps is a tremendous opportunity for anyone who is interested in a challenging career. It’s a great place to learn discipline, dedication, focus, mission accomplishment, honor, and gain career experience. Not to mention the pride one gets from being called a Marine.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">While in the Marines, Mills was not selected at first for the Marine Corps team training for the Olympics. Billy took his case to the commanding officer and after declaring his conviction that he felt he could win the 10,000 meter race, he was assigned to the All-Marine Track Team. Remembering his Dad’s words about hard work, Billy trained by running nearly 100 miles a week.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The rest is history. Billy went on to unbelievably conquer all previous Olympic records and for the first time in history, won the 10,000 meter run for the USA. Reports say that the crowd and his coach and wife were so stunned by his come from behind finish that, in the ensuing emotions, Billy couldn’t run the traditional victory lap.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Where is Billy Mills now? </b></span><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMJDQ_YaGUXPpNUEKdQpurYL3umtWheaSI34Kc4WTaZFH8y7j61mAuBhCr3xzVIHVxgg9Boq-0UJrApMwQ2VC5SXKzw4no3rPAV6h2rJ683GjG5F617FplmPU13KeHxJJVj804U3GPLrI/s1600-h/billy-and-boy-2004.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="201" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMJDQ_YaGUXPpNUEKdQpurYL3umtWheaSI34Kc4WTaZFH8y7j61mAuBhCr3xzVIHVxgg9Boq-0UJrApMwQ2VC5SXKzw4no3rPAV6h2rJ683GjG5F617FplmPU13KeHxJJVj804U3GPLrI/s320/billy-and-boy-2004.jpg" width="185" /></a><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Bill Mills is now 71 and still making an impression on the World. He </span></span>is the National Spokesperson for <a href="http://www.indianyouth.org/">Running Strong for American Indian Youth<sup>®</sup></a>. Along with Nicholas Sparks, Billy co-authored the book <i><u><b><a href="http://store.indianyouth.org/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=34">Wokini: A Lakota Journey to Happiness and Understanding</a></b></u></i>. The book teaches life lessons about hapiiness through Indian legends. Today Billy travels over 300 days every year. He visits American Indian communities throughout the U.S. and speaks to American Indian youth about healthy lifestyles and taking pride in their heritage. He remains married to his wife, Pat, of 45 years and is the father of 3 children.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>GETTING INVOLVED:</b></span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">November is National Adoption Month. Please consider the opportunity to adopt, foster, mentor, or be an advocate for children in foster care. You may also have the desire to provide clothing or supplies to foster children, you can do that through <a href="http://clothingouryouth.webs.com/donate.htm">Clothing Our Youth</a>. We collect gift cards and share them with a designated charity which provides supplies, free of charge, to foster parents for the children. Today is the perfect day to <a href="http://clothingouryouth.webs.com/donate.htm">donate</a>.<br />
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-55056258854759674772009-11-07T07:50:00.000-05:002009-11-07T07:50:13.108-05:00NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH: Child Advocacy<div style="text-align: center;"><object height="364" width="445"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/mzsfByRa87o&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/mzsfByRa87o&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="445" height="364"></embed></object><br />
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-64495399400063888382009-11-06T08:07:00.000-05:002009-11-06T08:07:42.246-05:00NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH<div style="text-align: center;"><meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" http-equiv="Content-Type"></meta><meta content="Word.Document" name="ProgId"></meta><meta content="Microsoft Word 12" name="Generator"></meta><meta content="Microsoft Word 12" name="Originator"></meta><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_editdata.mso" rel="Edit-Time-Data"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx" rel="themeData"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml" rel="colorSchemeMapping"></link><style>
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<h1 style="text-align: left;">Raising Katie</h1><h2 style="text-align: left;">What adopting a white girl taught a black family about race in the Obama era.</h2><h2><img alt="Mark Riding and his family for biracial adoption story" src="http://ndn1.newsweek.com/media/38/mark-riding-biracial-adoptions-wide-horizontal.jpg" /> <br />
</h2><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 7.5pt;">Courtesy Mark Riding </span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Mark Riding (left) with his son Niles and adoptive daughter Katie O'Dea-Smith at Disney World. Katie and her baby sister Langston attend a birthday party with Terri Riding (right). </span><br />
</div><br />
By <a href="http://search.newsweek.com/search?byline=tony%20dokoupil">Tony Dokoupil</a> | Newsweek Web Exclusive<br />
Apr 23, 2009<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">Several pairs of eyes follow the girl as she pedals around the playground in an affluent suburb of Baltimore. But it isn't the redheaded fourth grader who seems to have moms and dads of the jungle gym nervous on this recent Saturday morning. It's the African-American man—six feet tall, bearded and wearing a gray hooded sweatshirt—watching the girl's every move. Approaching from behind, he grabs the back of her bicycle seat as she wobbles to a stop. "Nice riding," he says, as the fair-skinned girl turns to him, beaming. "Thanks, Daddy," she replies. The onlookers are clearly flummoxed. <br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> <br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">As a black father and adopted white daughter, Mark Riding and Katie O'Dea-Smith are a sight at best surprising, and at worst so perplexing that people feel compelled to respond. Like the time at a Pocono Mountains flea market when Riding scolded Katie, attracting so many sharp glares that he and his wife, Terri, 37, and also African-American, thought "we might be lynched." And the time when well-intentioned shoppers followed Mark and Katie out of the mall to make sure she wasn't being kidnapped. Or when would-be heroes come up to Katie in the cereal aisle and ask, "Are you OK?"—even though Terri is standing right there.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Is it racism? The Ridings tend to think so, and it's hard to blame them. To shadow them for a day, as I recently did, is to feel the unease, notice the negative attention and realize that the same note of fear isn't in the air when they attend to their two biological children, who are 2 and 5 years old. It's fashionable to say that the election of Barack Obama has brought the dawn of a post-racial America. In the past few months alone, The Atlantic Monthly has declared "the end of white America," The Washington Post has profiled the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People's struggle for relevance in a changing world, and National Public Radio has led discussions questioning the necessity of the annual Black History Month. Perhaps not surprising, most white and black Americans no longer cite racism as a major social problem, according to recent polls.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">But the Ridings' experience runs counter to these popular notions of harmony. And adoption between races is particularly fraught. So-called transracial adoptions have surged since 1994, when the Multiethnic Placement Act reversed decades of outright racial matching by banning discrimination against adoptive families on the basis of race. But the growth has been all one-sided. The number of white families adopting outside their race is growing and is now in the thousands, while cases like Katie's—of a black family adopting a nonblack child—remain frozen at near zero.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Decades after the racial integration of offices, buses and water fountains, persistent double standards mean that African-American parents are still largely viewed with unease as caretakers of any children other than their own—or those they are paid to look after. As Yale historian Matthew Frye Jacobson has asked: "Why is it that in the United States, a white woman can have black children but a black woman cannot have white children?"<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">That question hit home for the Ridings in 2003, when Terri's mother, Phyllis Smith, agreed to take in Katie, then 3, on a temporary basis. A retired social worker, Phyllis had long been giving needy children a home—and Katie was one of the hardest cases. The child of a local prostitute, her toddler tantrums were so disturbing that foster families simply refused to keep her. Twelve homes later, Katie was still being passed around. Phyllis was in many ways an unlikely savior. The former president of the Baltimore chapter of the National Association of Black Social Workers, she joined her colleagues in condemning the adoption of black children by white families as "cultural genocide"—a position she still holds in theory, if not in practice. She couldn't say no to the "charming, energetic" girl who ended up on her front doorstep.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Last November, after a grueling adoption process—"[adoption officials] pushed the envelope on every issue," says Mark—little Irish-Catholic Katie O'Dea, as pale as a communion wafer, became Katie O'Dea-Smith: a formally adopted member of the African-American Riding-Smith family. (Phyllis is her legal guardian, but Mark and Terri were also vetted as legal surrogates for Phyllis.)<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">To be sure, it's an unconventional arrangement. Katie spends weekdays with Phyllis, her legal guardian. But Mark and Terri, who live around the corner, are her de facto parents, too. They help out during the week, and welcome Katie over on weekends and holidays. As for titles: Katie calls Phyllis "Mommy" and Terri "Sister," since technically it's true. Mark has always been "Daddy" or "Mark."<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">"Let me just put it out there," says Mark, a 38-year-old private-school admissions director with an appealing blend of megaphone voice and fearless opinion, especially when it comes to his family. "I've never felt more self-consciously black than while holding our little white girl's hand in public." He used to write off the negative attention as innocent curiosity. But after a half-decade of rude comments and revealing faux pas—like the time his school's guidance counselor called Katie a "foster child" in her presence—he now fights the ignorance with a question of his own: why didn't a white family step up to take Katie?</span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Riding's challenge hints at a persistent social problem. "No country in the world has made more progress toward combating overt racism than [the United States]," says David Schneider, a Rice University psychologist and the author of "The Psychology of Stereotyping." "But the most popular stereotype of black people is still that they're violent. And for a lot of people, not even racist people, the sight of a white child with a black parent just sets off alarm signals."</span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Part of the reason for the adoptive imbalance comes down to numbers, and the fact that people tend to want children of their own race. African-Americans represent almost one third of the 510,000 children in foster care, so black parents have a relatively high chance of ending up with a same-race child. (Not so for would-be adoptive white parents who prefer the rarest thing of all in the foster-care system: a healthy white baby.) But the dearth of black families with nonblack children also has painful historical roots. Economic hardship and centuries of poisonous belief in the so-called civilizing effects of white culture upon other races have familiarized Americans with the concept of white stewardship of other ethnicities, rather than the reverse.</span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">The result is not only discomfort among whites at the thought of nonwhites raising their offspring; African-Americans can also be wary when one of their own is a parent to a child outside their race. Just ask Dallas Cowboys All-Pro linebacker DeMarcus Ware and his wife, Taniqua, who faced a barrage of criticism after adopting a nonblack baby last February. When The New York Times sports page ran a photo of the shirtless new father with what appeared to be a white baby in his arms (and didn't mention race in the accompanying story), it sent a slow shock wave through the African-American community, pitting supporters who celebrated the couple's joy after three painful miscarriages against critics who branded the Wares "self-race-hating individuals" for ignoring the disproportionate number of blacks in foster care. The baby, now their daughter, Marley, is in fact Hispanic. "Do you mean to tell me that the Wares couldn't have found a little black baby to adopt?" snarled one blogger on the Daily Voice, an online African-American newspaper.</span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">For the relatively few black families that do adopt non-African-American children, and the adoptive children themselves, the experience can be confusing. "I hadn't realized how often we talked about white people at home," says Mark. "I hadn't realized that dinnertime stories were often told with reference to the race of the players, or that I often used racial stereotypes, as in the news only cares about some missing spring-break girl because she is blonde.'"</span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Katie, too, has sometimes struggled with her unusual situation, and how outsiders perceive it. When she's not drawing, swimming or pining after teen heartthrob Zac Efron, she's often dealing with normal kid teasing with a nasty edge. "They'll ignore me or yell at me because I have a black family," she says. Most of her friends are black, although her school is primarily white. And Terri has noticed something else: Katie is uncomfortable identifying people by their race.</span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Is she racially confused? Should her parents be worried? Opinions vary in the larger debate about whether race is a legitimate consideration in adoption. At present, agencies that receive public funding are forbidden from taking race into account when screening potential parents. They are also banned from asking parents to reflect on their readiness to deal with race-related issues, or from requiring them to undergo sensitivity training. But a well-meaning policy intended to ensure colorblindness appears to be backfiring. According to a study published last year by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, transracial parents are often ill equipped to raise children who are themselves unprepared for the world's racial realities.</span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Now lawmakers may rejoin the charged race-adoption debate. Later this year the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights, an independent federal think tank, is expected to publish a summary of expert testimony on adoption law—much of which will ask Congress to reinstate race as a salient consideration in all cases. The testimony, from the Evan B. Donaldson institute and others, will also suggest initiatives currently banned or poorly executed under existing policies, including racial training for parents and intensifying efforts to recruit more black adoptive families.</span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Would such measures be a step back for Obama's post-racial America? It's hard to tell. The Ridings, for their part, are taking Katie's racial training into their own hands. They send her to a mixed-race school, and mixed-race summer camps, celebrate St. Patrick's Day with gusto and buy Irish knickknacks, like a "Kiss Me I'm Irish" T shirt and a mug with Katie's O'Dea family crest emblazoned on it. But they worry it won't be enough. "All else being equal, I think she should be with people who look like her," says Mark. "It's not fair that she's got to grow up feeling different when she's going to feel different anyway. She wears glasses, her voice is a bit squeaky, and on top of that she has to deal with the fact that her mother is 70 and black."</span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">But even if Katie feels different now, the Riding-Smiths have given her both a stable home and a familiarity with two ethnic worlds that will surely serve her well as she grows up in a country that is increasingly blended. And it may be that hers will be the first truly post-racial generation.<br />
</div><i>© 2009 <a href="http://www.newsweek.com/id/194886/page/1">Newsweek </a> </i><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-55889201602251536342009-11-05T08:44:00.000-05:002009-11-05T08:44:57.784-05:00NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH: Beyond Foster Care<div style="text-align: justify;"><strong></strong><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Getting Beyond the Foster Care System: What Works for Teens</b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b> </b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Q&A with Betsy Krebs</strong></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong> </strong> Could you have made it entirely on your own at 18 or 21? Each year, roughly 25,000 young people “age out” of the foster care system, many without family or economic supports. Without connection to a caring adult and support to plan and prepare, these youth face steep challenges, including higher rates of unemployment, poor educational attainment, health issues, incarceration, and homelessness. <br />
But those are the <em>problems</em>, the statistics—what about the potential of these teens, and their desire to succeed? And what of the programs that are tapping that potential?<br />
<strong><img align="right" alt="Krebs" border="1" hspace="3" src="http://www.connectforkids.org/image/article/krebs/Krebs.jpg" vspace="1" /></strong>In 1992, attorneys Betsy Krebs and Paul Pitcoff founded the Youth Advocacy Center (YAC) in New York City, based on their belief that with guidance and tools, teens in foster care can succeed as adults. The YAC program teaches self-advocacy and goal-setting to empower teens to take on significant responsibility for planning for their futures. <br />
In the wake of <a href="http://www.connectforkids.org/node/5550" target="_blank">New York Times coverage</a> spotlighting the struggles of New York City’s foster care agencies, we spoke with Betsy Krebs about what works to help teens aging out of foster care succeed. <br />
<br />
<strong>Has there been progress in recent years in New York? Does the New York Times story recognize that progress?</strong><strong><br />
</strong><br />
The major progress in New York City child welfare is the reduction of the number of children in foster care, due at least in part to a government commitment to preventive services for families. <br />
However, a large proportion of those who remain in temporary foster care—often for years—are teenagers. We’ve seen more discussion about “preparing youth for adulthood,” and increased interest in teens aging out, but we still need to see more change that supports teens becoming successful participating citizens.<br />
<br />
The foster care system was designed to protect children from imminent harm, not prepare teens for adulthood. The system has been given the responsibility of raising teens to adulthood, but that’s not what it was designed for nor currently prepared to accomplish.<br />
<br />
<strong>What are the challenges facing young people aging out of foster care as they become adults?<br />
</strong><br />
Working with thousands of young people from foster care, we know that they have aspirations, strengths and talents, and the potential to become fully participating citizens who contribute in a range of fields.<br />
The main challenges facing young people are: (1) the culture of low expectations for teens in foster care and (2) the lack of accountability for their success or failure. A principle challenge is changing the thinking and the current practices that resist and prevent teens from taking on more responsibility for preparing for a future of successful independence. <br />
Until that happens, most young people aging out of the foster care system will not be prepared for college and meaningful careers. Too many will continue to end up homeless, jobless, and incarcerated, without the resources they need to become successful adults. <br />
<br />
<strong>What can be done?<br />
</strong><br />
There are three sets of “players” available to help teens escape poverty and other challenges after foster care.<br />
<strong><em>Teens</em>. </strong>First, the teens themselves are untapped resources. They can make significant contributions to the community, and speak most passionately and articulately about what they want for their lives—not just today but for their futures. If given responsibility and adequate supports, they are the best advocates for themselves, and they will carve out a path to reach their goals.<br />
<em><strong>Child Welfare Professionals. </strong></em>Second, the thousands of dedicated and experienced professionals in the foster care system can help lift teens out of poverty if they are given support and tools to treat each teen as an individual with potential. <br />
We need to recognize that many professionals have a wealth of creativity and experience and must find ways to allow them to bring this resource into the process of preparing teens for independence. Employing the Socratic approach—supporting teens in learning for themselves—would create a powerful collaboration of professional and teen that would dramatically elevate teens’ responsibility level and critical thinking and problem-solving skills. <br />
<em><strong><br />
Community. </strong></em>The third group that has demonstrated interest and talent in helping teens in foster care is the broader community—the private sector, experts on higher education, national service, the arts. Busy individuals from every background are willing to contribute experience, resources and perspective on what we can all do to help young people escape poverty. <br />
<br />
Whether it means giving advice to individual teens (as leading urban professionals do in our Getting Beyond the System® Self-Advocacy program), providing scholarships, internships, or participating in policy discussions about foster care reform, the input of the wider community is invaluable and must be increased.<br />
<br />
<strong>How can we measure program success? What should we look for in any program addressing issues related to aging out? <em></em><br />
</strong><br />
<em></em> Right now there are no real metrics for teens that gauge their success after foster care. <br />
<br />
Rather than needing more training programs in “independent living skills,” young people need to be able to acquire information, investigate opportunities, and make decisions relying on their intellectual power. Today’s youth must be prepared to adapt to constantly changing conditions—in their own lives, in the communities in which they live, in their country, and in the larger world. <br />
<br />
<strong>You’ve talked about switching from seeing young people as problem to seeing them as individuals with assets and strengths. How do we do that? <em></em><br />
</strong><br />
<strong><em><strong><img align="right" alt="Krebs quote" border="1" src="http://www.connectforkids.org/image/article/krebs/krebs_qt.jpg" vspace="1" /></strong></em></strong>We should no longer tolerate treating teens as problems to be solved, cases to be diagnosed, managed, and restrained. If they remain objects of treatment teams, of case planning meetings, of behavior modification and management, of training programs, there is no reason for teens to respond positively. <br />
<br />
Instead, we must adopt approaches that treat them as subjects of their own preparation for adulthood. They must be independent thinkers and lifelong students who carve out their own paths to the future. <br />
<ul><li>The <em>Socratic approach,</em> described above, is one way our program and others around the country engage teens and adults to learn critical thinking skills together. It gives young people responsibility for developing their own approaches to solving problems, and teaches them to be active learners. <br />
</li>
<li>Another concrete tool we use is the<em> informational interview. </em>We ask every young person in foster care what they want to do when they are 25. Then, through the Getting Beyond the System® Seminar, we prepare each teen for an individual meeting with an experienced professional in that field to discuss career and education goals. The young person is prepared to ask questions and gather important information—lifelong skills—and also begins building his or her own network in the community beyond the system. </li>
</ul>More people around the country, both at the government and the practice level, are looking at our own and other innovative ways to help teens transition to independence, because they recognize that we have too long been failing these youth. <br />
<hr /> Betsy Krebs and Paul Pitcoff co-founded and direct the Youth Advocacy Center Inc. Their latest book, <em>Beyond the Foster Care System: The Future for Teens </em>(<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0813538289/ref=s9_asin_image_1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-1&pf_rd_r=1GQA7W754AFGYXZFABQJ&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=278240701&pf_rd_i=507846" target="_blank">Buy on Amazon</a>)<em>,</em> chronicles the development of their program, which brings teens, the system, and the outside community into active collaboration to increase opportunities for teens after foster care. For more information, including tools, ideas, and trainings on the Getting Beyond the System® Approach, visit the <a href="http://www.youthadvocacycenter.org/" target="_blank">Youth Advocacy Center</a> site.<br />
<br />
<i>If you would like to get involved with teens placed in foster care contact <a href="http://www.fosterclub.com/">Foster Club</a>. We are assisting children placed in foster care with much needed clothing. With $25 you can provide a gift card to a foster child at <a href="http://clothingouryouth.webs.com/donate.htm">Clothing Our Youth</a>.</i><br />
</div><br />
<b>JEREMIAH'S PROMISE</b><br />
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<object height="364" width="445"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/vYC91mlEG18&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/vYC91mlEG18&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="445" height="364"></embed></object><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-47770731708790547692009-11-04T08:34:00.000-05:002009-11-04T08:34:56.227-05:00NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH: Chicago Student Offered $1 Million In Scholarships<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUQQN014dd979z7YM2FJU9dj9i7jnmKALwUD90wsfnxlwtwNeWSDuM8Zz-Ps0AbghOtruBUrrzBUco24mJ_6HL1tKtoyGET2qTea8Q4-AV_50sBswcX7VPQmN2F_PwW1xcHflMhzsNECI/s1600-h/Derrius+Quarles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> Children come to the attention of child protective service agencies for a myriad of reasons, from different situations, and a multitude of backgrounds. Often older children available for adoption are left in foster care, unadopted, and in need of life skills to be productive citizens. <br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="http://www.fosterclub.com/article/foster-care-statistics">*</a>Every year, approximately 18,000 youth will emancipate — or "age-out"— from the foster care system when they reach age 18 or finish high school. Youth in foster care often do not get the help they need with high school completion, employment, accessing health care, continued educational opportunities, housing and transitional living arrangements. Studies of youth who have left foster care have shown they are more likely than those in the general population to not finish high school, be unemployed, and be dependent on public assistance. Many find themselves in prison, homeless, or parents at an early age.</span></span></i><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> The following article comes from Chicago, it highlights that not all children who are in "the system" or "age-out" follow the status quo. <br />
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</div><div style="color: red;"><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> ___________________________________________________________________ <br />
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</div><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Aug 13, 2009 5:49 pm US/Central</span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="padding-right: 4px;">CHICAGO (CBS) ―</span><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">A lot of kids are getting ready to head off to college and, it's a great accomplishment.<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">CBS 2's Dorothy Tucker talked to one Chicago student had a much longer road to go before he got on the right path. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> "I got over a million dollars in scholarships. It's very exciting," said Derrius Quarles. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUQQN014dd979z7YM2FJU9dj9i7jnmKALwUD90wsfnxlwtwNeWSDuM8Zz-Ps0AbghOtruBUrrzBUco24mJ_6HL1tKtoyGET2qTea8Q4-AV_50sBswcX7VPQmN2F_PwW1xcHflMhzsNECI/s1600-h/Derrius+Quarles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUQQN014dd979z7YM2FJU9dj9i7jnmKALwUD90wsfnxlwtwNeWSDuM8Zz-Ps0AbghOtruBUrrzBUco24mJ_6HL1tKtoyGET2qTea8Q4-AV_50sBswcX7VPQmN2F_PwW1xcHflMhzsNECI/s200/Derrius+Quarles.jpg" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> He received $1,150,000 to be exact. Quarles is a graduate of Kenwood High School who was offered $755,000 from nearly a dozen colleges, which he turned down. He accepted $355,000 in scholarships and will now attend Morehouse College. He earned all of this while being a ward of the state. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> "My father was killed in this city when I was four years old and I was taken away from my mother shortly after that. My mother had a drug problem," he said. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> To say he has succeeded against huge odds is almost an understatement. Quarles credits his success to his determination to go to college, his ability to accept his past, and not use it as an excuse. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> "I had to come to accept what happened. I had no part in it, in my circumstances. But it is my responsibility to. It's all about how I'm going to overcome that," he said.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> He's not only an inspiration because of the painful past he's overcome, but as a million dollar scholarship baby Quarles is also an example of how hard work can pay off for any student. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> Quarles began searching for scholarships when he was a sophomore. He says he applied to more than 40 and quickly learned the essay was key. He didn't just write about his past. Most of the time he wrote about the time he joined the Kenwood Swim Team nearly drowned. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> "To give the reader a sense I gained a lifelong lesson from that one experience, I think that tells someone about you and your character," he said. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> While the essay is key, it helps that Quarles has a 4.2 GPA, got a 28 on the ACT, and had a counselor like Lynda Parker who was honored to write a recommendations for a student she knows will meet his future goals. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> "He really made it happen when all the stats says it shouldn't. He could have given up. He could have just said I'm not supposed to make it, but instead he said 'no I can and I will' and he did," said Parker. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> Quarles plans to pursue a career in medicine. He leaves for Morehouse College in Atlanta on Saturday. </span><br />
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<div class="cbstv_close_win" style="text-align: justify;">(© MMIX, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.)<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;"><i>*To support National Adoption Month we are supplying gift certificates to a local organization, <a href="http://clothingouryouth.webs.com/whobenefits.htm">Foster Care Support Foundation</a>. You can assist in this effort by making a donation <a href="http://clothingouryouth.webs.com/donate.htm">here</a>.</i></span><br />
</div><div class="cbstv_related_col" id="ctl00_ctl00_ContentModulesPlaceHolder_ContentModule_27852_divRealtedCol"><div class="jqmWindow jqmID2" id="ctl00_ctl00_ContentModulesPlaceHolder_ContentModule_27852_divEnlargeImage" style="background-color: white; margin-left: -175px; width: 350px;"><br />
<input id="ctl00_ctl00_ContentModulesPlaceHolder_ContentModule_27852_hdnImageInfo" name="ctl00$ctl00$ContentModulesPlaceHolder$ContentModule_27852$hdnImageInfo" type="hidden" value="[{"ImageSource":"CBS","ImageUrl":"http://llnw.image.cbslocal.com/27/2009/08/13/320x240/WBBM0813quarles.jpg","ImageCaption":"Derrius Quarles was offered over $1 dollars in scholarship money."}]" /> <br />
</div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-54386470030451367472009-11-03T06:46:00.000-05:002009-11-03T06:46:09.768-05:00NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH: Foster Parents Can Make the Difference<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Bridging the Gap</b></span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">You will hear stories on the new about foster parents who abuse children, take their per diem and use it for a variety of things other than the children in their care, and a million other things that would lead you to color the whole group with a paint brush which does not fit every case. In America there are more than 510,000 children and youth in out of home foster care <sup><a href="http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/foster.cfm#one">[1]</a></sup>. It would be preposterous to think that the majority of them are living in subpar homes with strangers. In fact, as of September 30<sup>, </sup>2006 of the 510,000 children in foster care 24% (122,400) are placed with relatives. Yes, the majority of children are placed in non-relative foster homes of people who want to make the difference for children. And this is my thanks to the ones who bridged the gap for me.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj_ha3905iazWbvMjtwT4lYSSgNmtBkvXPCDgoygGAnJ7e_nCZECrpdkjXHPUyhhdB2NfrQEgPBcbuBA15DI1KmkyZn-Vv6dLkuUMMsRpoCq46Z0-ycE9jGSOmnDOiZPIdb5uXeUWJnHE/s1600-h/2007-02-05-1936-41_edited.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj_ha3905iazWbvMjtwT4lYSSgNmtBkvXPCDgoygGAnJ7e_nCZECrpdkjXHPUyhhdB2NfrQEgPBcbuBA15DI1KmkyZn-Vv6dLkuUMMsRpoCq46Z0-ycE9jGSOmnDOiZPIdb5uXeUWJnHE/s200/2007-02-05-1936-41_edited.jpg" width="189" /></a><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">There is no way to sugar coat the beginning of life for my son. Born about 10 weeks early and possibly exposed to drugs in utero, at birth weighed in at 2.8 pounds and 15 inches, received “bag and mask ventilation”, was incubated on multiple occasions, and spent the next 2 months in the hospital. Due her inability to care for him, he was released frohe hospital to a couple Alfonzo and Dorothy Smith. As an older couple they had already been foster parents to more children than they could count, not mention being the parents of six children. Only a special couple would say, “yes” to a child diagnosed with “<a href="http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/lungs/aop.html">apnea of prematurity</a>, <a href="http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/dci/Diseases/rds/rds_whatis.html">respiratory distress syndrome</a>, <a href="http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/anemia.html">anemia</a>, and <a href="http://www.lpch.org/DiseaseHealthInfo/HealthLibrary/hrnewborn/hyperb.html">physiologic hyperbilirubinemia</a>”. Most parents get overwhelmed thinking about taking a child home with all of that going on, much less the child of someone else. Yet, that is what Alfonso and Dorothy did that day. And for three years following that day.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">For a large portion of that three year period they transported him to and from visits whether or not his mother came. Due to the diagnoses he received upon discharge, he was in occupational therapy which required appointments, which they were sure to make regularly. It sounds simple; however, they were foster parents of other children in the home as well. Beyond being foster parents to him they often helped their own family of grandchildren, parents, sisters, brothers, and do not forget children. The day I walked into their home and saw that little boy I was immediately taken by his friendliness, his playful demeanor, and of course, he was cute. Cuteness, they had no hand in, but the other things can be traced back to their loving nature, attentiveness, willingness to care for him, and general disposition as a couple. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkvGeoA5hCltuD_rmRXGeA6i3lP0Gz2KNaxXBoc5EFX6ihdHrJr-hkQne4FxnJiNJH1quvNO9hbKWJ4TvmeQAWLORMY-CGEg3ge9hS-tq_PZ5NGeAGGlPXC3NSnJX_PTotM8UhA21eEpo/s1600-h/DSCN1092.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkvGeoA5hCltuD_rmRXGeA6i3lP0Gz2KNaxXBoc5EFX6ihdHrJr-hkQne4FxnJiNJH1quvNO9hbKWJ4TvmeQAWLORMY-CGEg3ge9hS-tq_PZ5NGeAGGlPXC3NSnJX_PTotM8UhA21eEpo/s320/DSCN1092.JPG" /></a><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">You see, when the Smiths chose to become foster parents they took it as a service to the children and the families. It was a commitment. Not like we see today where people choose to commit just for a time, the good times. When you commit to a child you commit for an uncertain amount of time and through an undetermined situations. As a result of their commitment, I received a child who had not been bounced form home to home, was surrounded by family and love, automatic Grandparents, and people with whom there is bond like none other. The transition to my home was not easy for either of us because he had bonded with them. He still calls them regularly and to him they are Grandma and Grandpa. The day I picked him up to bring him home, was the greatest day of my life. And for them it was bittersweet. After seven years as a parent and many conversations with them, it is clear that they bridged the gap for him to find a family and for me to have an amazing child.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">Foster parents can make the difference in the life of a child, for the rest of their life. If you want to know more about becoming a foster parent the <a href="http://www.nfpainc.org/">National Foster Parent Association</a> is a wonderful resource. However, to find out the specific requirements and resources in your State go to <a href="http://www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad/">Child Welfare Information Gateway</a>. This page will allow you to select and receive contact information for your State. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;"><i>*To support National Adoption Month we are supplying gift certificates to a local organization, <a href="http://clothingouryouth.webs.com/whobenefits.htm">Foster Care Support Foundation</a>. You can assist in this effort by making a donation <a href="http://clothingouryouth.webs.com/donate.htm">here</a>.</i><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;"><br />
</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-35518947610158073372009-11-02T05:32:00.000-05:002009-12-04T12:50:53.175-05:00NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH: Born in my Heart<b><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Not Your Average Love Story</span></b> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Most little girls, as they are growing up, dream of the white picket fence, the husband, and having two children. That is not my story, it did cross my mind, but somehow I knew my family would never be the normal one. My Love Story, began when I saw a little boy at a foster home in October of 2000. When I tell people about meeting him, it sounds like a made for television drama. See when you adopt, the child is born in your heart.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC5fTW8PA3jQXrjTK9CciCD4OOCdphWhGu5AsbIbn0xuoK9agIImXBTd2qB8YAC2WYFglCYUs8aWmZ1gkin7Ivg1Z3mbEu8yogUZ4_XNWCzxzHQG_BfWHJsAy8dRqD_mCni12lKuO-DUw/s1600-h/2007-02-05-1936-41_edited.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC5fTW8PA3jQXrjTK9CciCD4OOCdphWhGu5AsbIbn0xuoK9agIImXBTd2qB8YAC2WYFglCYUs8aWmZ1gkin7Ivg1Z3mbEu8yogUZ4_XNWCzxzHQG_BfWHJsAy8dRqD_mCni12lKuO-DUw/s200/2007-02-05-1936-41_edited.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">The winter began to set in on Cleveland, Ohio; I worked in the Department of Children and Family Services as a social worker. The first children I visited were two girls placed in a foster home. Prior to this case, I had none. In fact, I had a choice between 2-3 other cases and chose this particular one. Single, college graduate, no children, those were my basic stats at the time. As I sat on the couch of the foster parents’ home there was a tiny boy hiding behind the curtains playing peek-a-boo with me and laughing. Soon after his antics with the curtains he crawled up on the couch, sat next to me, and just looked at me. He moved closer, and then closer, eventually he was on my lap. In a moment of freedom I said, “I’m gonna take you home with me.” About a year following that day, his foster mother told me he was available for adoption. Due to making monthly visits to the home for the other children placed there, I had grown attached to hi, and always wanted to know how he was doing. When told me, my heart stopped and I got worried that I would never know how he was or what happened to him. So, I made the choice to adopt him. Single, college graduate, no children, those were my basic stats at the time. Little did I know that day would be a day to change two lives.</span><br />
<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjWqQBkf5ae9RbGJiwTYcRtSprceZK9x-nXMNb7Wa2ThP72AgrMf_L_Je28nb4ZnPORqiCly9A17zgtfx__CaGdfZJNP2KkpIUvq7qFNyU8vmUND9wqZjoBBtghXPDHlcFpxVmtCdLeqw/s1600-h/DSCN1713.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Jamil, officially, became my son in March of 2003 at the age of 3 years old and our love </span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5c9zUnYuWMEp0SbVZh8ME_aBK40InL259XW30L6Y7Lmcm4HWa1QQ0R4QaoMn9m1EvOe_zMugFcBOqRnlqdr7o5HPhLtj6BEmCsb5dRbMpctRA6X3oKGS5voUCb07vQ-x-KRZg_gAzGas/s1600-h/2007-02-04-1344-57.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5c9zUnYuWMEp0SbVZh8ME_aBK40InL259XW30L6Y7Lmcm4HWa1QQ0R4QaoMn9m1EvOe_zMugFcBOqRnlqdr7o5HPhLtj6BEmCsb5dRbMpctRA6X3oKGS5voUCb07vQ-x-KRZg_gAzGas/s200/2007-02-04-1344-57.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">story is still being written. Adoption, to me is no different than having a natural child in many ways. I question my fitness as a parent and whether I made the “right” decision. And there were times, and still are, when I thought he would be better off with someone else. He would have two parents, a bigger house, a better yard, a dog (like he begs me to get), and other siblings in the home (like he begs me to get). And were it not for the support of other family and friends, we would not have made it this far. He is what I live for now. He is the Love of my Life. When I think about him not being in my life, it is hard to fathom. <br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5EhW9imH1J5-f8FHnLzGx_w-JcCo926PFdU1REoKQZyZyxzeCcPIpkKgKYrEqx0EWO6OtwzMyVf0-R4UYcB76itl4VwOVE1zWPRgA4W-jdUt54fso6yj5zuUfRUyZDUZ-7UHoBsKg4Oo/s1600-h/Give+Me+a+Hug.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"> </span><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"> I received a call from my sister in California, whom he stays with for part of the summer. At the time was nine years old, he was asking about his birth Mother, and I became worried. To let you know, he is has always known he was adopted; he has an album with the names of his birth parents, knows he has siblings and has bet all but one of them. It has never been a conversation that was off limits for him. With that said, she had questioned him on what he would change about his life and he said, “nothing”. He expressed that he loves me, he is happy to be adopted, and he would not change that at all. Neither would I. At every juncture, it has always been my intention to have him be well adjusted. Unlike birth children, Jamil has questions about life that speak to who he is in a different way. Why he is not with his birth family? What happened that his parents were not able to care for him? He has a list of questions of which I can not and would not attempt answer for him. However, as his Mom I can be there to support him in becoming what he wants to be, developing him for the future, and accepting himself. Isn’t that what being a parent is about anyway?</span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF4zyHkN6wYqdddaucioYl7lR4bot6b_IXvrTmxW64uAAdcVdJ45FcFYt_6ymY-tA9U-c0EDWE2ac5velVLHbE1YnQUf6tyDi2RFkw4q4qBSzWlRaZl5tjIy-oAH1rRmTNrlR5b8Yz4s8/s1600-h/DSCN1362.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF4zyHkN6wYqdddaucioYl7lR4bot6b_IXvrTmxW64uAAdcVdJ45FcFYt_6ymY-tA9U-c0EDWE2ac5velVLHbE1YnQUf6tyDi2RFkw4q4qBSzWlRaZl5tjIy-oAH1rRmTNrlR5b8Yz4s8/s200/DSCN1362.JPG" /></a><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"> </span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"> Still single, still a college graduate, one child, those are my basic stats. He was not born from me physically, but he was born in my heart. And this is not your average love story.</span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Are you considering becoming an adoptive parent? There are plenty of helpful resources available, listed below:<br />
</span><br />
</div><div style="color: black; text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.davethomasfoundation.org/"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption</span></a><br />
</div><div style="color: black; text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.adopt.org/assembled/home.html"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">National Adoption Center</span></a><br />
</div><div style="color: black; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><a href="http://www.adoptioncouncil.org/">National Council for Adoption</a> </span><br />
</div><div style="color: black; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><a href="http://www.adoptuskids.org/">AdoptUsKids</a> </span><br />
</div><div style="color: black; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><a href="http://www.adoptionresources.org/">Adoption Resources</a> </span><br />
</div><div style="color: black; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><a href="http://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/index.cfm">Child Welfare Information Gateway</a></span><br />
</div><div style="color: black; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><a href="http://courageouschoice.com/?GCID=S13754x069&KEYWORD=adoption&OVRAW=adoption%20resources&OVKEY=adoption&OVMTC=advanced&OVADID=5903908511&OVKWID=31083841011">Courageous Choice</a></span><br />
</div><div style="color: black; text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.adoptamericanetwork.org/"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Adopt America Network</span></a><br />
</div><div style="color: black; text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.capbook.org/"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Children Awaiting Parents</span></a><br />
</div><div style="color: black; text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.comeunity.com/index.html"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Comeunity</span></a><br />
</div><div style="color: black; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><a href="http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/waiting/photolists.html">Comeunity Resource Listing </a><br />
</span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><a href="http://www.capbook.org/">Children Awaiting Parents</a></span><br />
</div><br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;"><i>*To support National Adoption Month we are supplying gift certificates to a local organization, <a href="http://clothingouryouth.webs.com/whobenefits.htm">Foster Care Support Foundation</a>. You can assist in this effort by making a donation <a href="http://clothingouryouth.webs.com/donate.htm">here</a>.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;"><i> </i></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjWqQBkf5ae9RbGJiwTYcRtSprceZK9x-nXMNb7Wa2ThP72AgrMf_L_Je28nb4ZnPORqiCly9A17zgtfx__CaGdfZJNP2KkpIUvq7qFNyU8vmUND9wqZjoBBtghXPDHlcFpxVmtCdLeqw/s1600-h/DSCN1713.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjWqQBkf5ae9RbGJiwTYcRtSprceZK9x-nXMNb7Wa2ThP72AgrMf_L_Je28nb4ZnPORqiCly9A17zgtfx__CaGdfZJNP2KkpIUvq7qFNyU8vmUND9wqZjoBBtghXPDHlcFpxVmtCdLeqw/s200/DSCN1713.JPG" /></a><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5EhW9imH1J5-f8FHnLzGx_w-JcCo926PFdU1REoKQZyZyxzeCcPIpkKgKYrEqx0EWO6OtwzMyVf0-R4UYcB76itl4VwOVE1zWPRgA4W-jdUt54fso6yj5zuUfRUyZDUZ-7UHoBsKg4Oo/s1600-h/Give+Me+a+Hug.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5EhW9imH1J5-f8FHnLzGx_w-JcCo926PFdU1REoKQZyZyxzeCcPIpkKgKYrEqx0EWO6OtwzMyVf0-R4UYcB76itl4VwOVE1zWPRgA4W-jdUt54fso6yj5zuUfRUyZDUZ-7UHoBsKg4Oo/s200/Give+Me+a+Hug.JPG" /></a><br />
</div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2HnPrPFMDlLjoYytsS3Jp85LQhNyr9hbfB7gZRhJp7MGgbOBDHtqfHMtZxVX4z2AMVgXzjDXJkDCI5sPq2H2vES-8cF5d5-Yb1PSSCYt8l76BHolbrzSqBjEpbVsXTAbZ1vne_DQEL1k/s1600-h/DSCN1123.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2HnPrPFMDlLjoYytsS3Jp85LQhNyr9hbfB7gZRhJp7MGgbOBDHtqfHMtZxVX4z2AMVgXzjDXJkDCI5sPq2H2vES-8cF5d5-Yb1PSSCYt8l76BHolbrzSqBjEpbVsXTAbZ1vne_DQEL1k/s200/DSCN1123.JPG" /></a><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;"><i> </i></span><br />
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-10401322808074022082009-10-27T22:57:00.000-04:002009-10-27T23:04:51.973-04:00HOLIDAY TRAVEL START BOOKING<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">And you thought The Pulse was not about saving money. Not true. In being dedicated to what matters in life, The Pulse knows that making travel to see family or just get away means a lot to many people.How many times do you hear about the holiday travel rush? Uhm, yearly?! Of course, as long as there are end of the year holidays there will be The Holiday Rush. So, with that, here are airlines offering specials... get a pencil... get ready.<br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqPHaVjmLpT4_hRvCdLEQHJ6mWjhZI1EP6txNGOnwDQU7z3Cb9H059H6eghH3-qa_ruCW1E2DZ39lAM8kXrXkw2Dm_dEFjffgtalSXNtzmPspS8UtwwmNehAtPNIxwSEe_zrnYEny6M14/s1600-h/AirAcesATL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqPHaVjmLpT4_hRvCdLEQHJ6mWjhZI1EP6txNGOnwDQU7z3Cb9H059H6eghH3-qa_ruCW1E2DZ39lAM8kXrXkw2Dm_dEFjffgtalSXNtzmPspS8UtwwmNehAtPNIxwSEe_zrnYEny6M14/s320/AirAcesATL.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><h2><a href="http://www.travel-ticker.com/details.jsp?actionType=1&encId=bab7zdn01bq9twgiz04o&pageName=Home&secCode=H1&posId=1" onclick="AnalyticsSupport.logOmnitureLinkEvent({pageName: 'homePage', moduleName: 'deals.main.1', link: 'title.799206'}, {prop2: 'ca1-1', evar2: 'ca1-1', events:'event9:799206',products:';air'})" target="_blank"> </a></h2><div style="color: blue; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><a href="http://www.expedia.com/daily/promos/flights/aa_domestic1009/default.asp?olacid=icm.hotwire.travelticker.deals.flight.site-only.102609-IO6431-AmericanAirlines" style="color: blue;">American Airlines </a>American Airlines nationwide fare sale -- from $152* round trip</b></span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span>Low fares just in time for the holidays. Save on your late fall/early winter flight with Expedia and American Airlines’ round-trip sale. You can get a flight from NYC to Chicago for $152* round trip. Book by November 15; travel now-December 31.<b>Book by 11:59 PM on 11/15/09 (PST) </b><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><b> </b><a href="http://www.travel-ticker.com/details.jsp?encId=w15rehkl9fh9e6gbi9i8&pageName=Home&secCode=H1&posId=6" onclick="AnalyticsSupport.logOmnitureLinkEvent({pageName: 'homePage', moduleName: 'deals.main.6', link: 'title.799231'}, {prop2: 'ca1-1', evar2: 'ca1-1', events:'event9:799231',products:';air'})" target="_blank">$25*+ flight sale on AA.com -- 2 days left (one way, R/T req.) </a></b><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Sky-high savings -- little time left. American’s huge, 72-hour nationwide sale ends this Thursday. Fares start at just $25* each way, based on round-trip purchase. Travel December 2-16 and January 5-February 10. Don’t wait on this one. By American, <b> Book by 11:59 PM on 10/29/09 (CDT) </b><br />
</div><h2 style="color: blue; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.travel-ticker.com/details.jsp?actionType=1&encId=uv5b9294nqmwb6qkt20e&pageName=Home&secCode=H1&posId=5" onclick="AnalyticsSupport.logOmnitureLinkEvent({pageName: 'homePage', moduleName: 'deals.main.5', link: 'title.800136'}, {prop2: 'ca1-1', evar2: 'ca1-1', events:'event9:800136',products:';air'})" target="_blank">Last-minute flights from your city -- from $101* round trip </a></span></h2><div style="text-align: justify;">Time is almost up, and it's time to save. Take advantage of Expedia's last-minute sale and get a round-trip flight from San Francisco to Vegas for $101* or Washington, D.C. to Orlando for only $139*. Many departure cities and destinations are available.By Expedia.com, <b> Due to limited inventory, this deal may expire at any time. Book now to take advantage of the savings. </b><br />
</div><h2 style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.travel-ticker.com/details.jsp?actionType=1&encId=7ti84639e41qh7t4gpnf&pageName=Home&secCode=H1&posId=7" onclick="AnalyticsSupport.logOmnitureLinkEvent({pageName: 'homePage', moduleName: 'deals.main.7', link: 'title.800137'}, {prop2: 'ca1-1', evar2: 'ca1-1', events:'event9:800137',products:';air'})" target="_blank">AirTran's huge one-way fare sale -- U.S. flights from $39* </a></span></h2><div style="text-align: justify;">All stops are on sale. Expedia and AirTran have teamed to offer a one-way fare sale to cities across the U.S. One-way fares include Boston to Baltimore for $39* and NYC to Charlotte for $64*. Book by November 10; travel now-February 10, 2010. By Expedia.com, <b> Book by 11:59 PM on 11/10/09 (PST) </b><br />
</div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Discount Sites:</b></span><br />
</div><div style="color: purple; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><a href="http://www.bookingbuddy.com%20/">BookingBuddy</a> </b></span><br />
</div><div style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><a href="http://www.orbitz.com/">Orbitz</a> </b></span><br />
</div><div style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><a href="http://www.cheapoair.com/">CheapOAir</a> </b></span><br />
</div><div style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><a href="http://www.airtran.com/">AirTran</a> </b></span><br />
</div><div style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><a href="http://flights.expedia.com/">Expedia</a> </b></span><br />
</div><div style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><a href="http://www.cheaptickets.com/">CheapTickets</a> </b></span><br />
</div><div style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><a href="http://www.kayak.com/flights">Kayak</a> </b></span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.sidestep.com/">SideStep</a></span><br />
</b><br />
</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-29211624479867924492009-10-27T17:22:00.000-04:002009-10-27T17:23:45.838-04:00NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH: 30 DAY BLOGATHON<meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" http-equiv="Content-Type"></meta><meta content="Word.Document" name="ProgId"></meta><meta content="Microsoft Word 12" name="Generator"></meta><meta content="Microsoft Word 12" name="Originator"></meta><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx" rel="themeData"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml" rel="colorSchemeMapping"></link><style>
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif"; font-size: 18pt;"> JOIN ME!</span></b><b><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">ANNOUNCEMENT!!! </span></b><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">CHILDREN WAITING FOR YOU!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8q2PLj-Uu01VnOEM0BGM1eT3pNHzZnlN6JJoa7ql-pjd7rgWWPklAfrsfMZSTCrlsYKQItZ143QO0MoIzu7NSa6r8BN9C3iQ1MQAls0_5dHewEx9uLOIwW5ryKmOOxYQIdvvIAeGbo-A/s1600-h/Adoption.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">When I was in elementary school, I was the youngest child in my immediate family as well as the youngest grandchild on both sides of our family. While it had its benefits, I wanted a brother or sister. Well, actually a brother, I have two older sisters and that is enough. One day, our mother sat us down, picked up an envelope, pulled out a yellow legal sheet of a paper and read it. What I remember is that long yellow legal paper, the cursive on it, jumping around like it was Christmas, and two names: Andrea and Yolanda. It was a letter sent from my aunt Anita and Uncle Bobby telling us they were adopting Andrea and Yolanda, sisters. They had previously adopted their oldest daughter, Andrea (yes, two Andreas), and had fostered other children in the hopes of adopting. Those placements were not a fit. Now that I think about it, the excitement that letter brought was overwhelming. We could not wait to see them, meet them, and play with them. They were younger than me by one and two years, respectively, which was perfect. No not little brothers, but better sisters who enjoyed just being around, having fun, giggling, and all that stuff. </span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmhBDbmyT2cRWOue66mNFrdaz7NSbENV1pxJpPCQ-m-ikHeesP8N_A0ou0gfe3PBrItaPAGZpePgiNIJTcmURSt8YmRYHmNbF3Q2CxRBg5iOVD3_RsJ0727psCeMtDnC8xA1QULoj-wy0/s1600-h/clothe+children.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmhBDbmyT2cRWOue66mNFrdaz7NSbENV1pxJpPCQ-m-ikHeesP8N_A0ou0gfe3PBrItaPAGZpePgiNIJTcmURSt8YmRYHmNbF3Q2CxRBg5iOVD3_RsJ0727psCeMtDnC8xA1QULoj-wy0/s320/clothe+children.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Data from</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><a href="http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/afcars/tar/report14.htm">Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System</a> (AFCARS) for October 1, 2005 through September 30, 2006 indicates that there were 129,000 (25%) children waiting to be adopted through public adoption. </span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">In America there are o</span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">ver 510,000 American children in foster care, taken away when their families are in crisis and can’t take care of them. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">The following is directly from <a href="http://www.fosterclub.com/article/foster-care-statistics">The National Network for Young People in Foster Care</a>….<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">If nothing changes… by the year 2020:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">22,500 children will die of abuse or neglect, most before their fifth birthday<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">More than 10.5 million children will spend some time in foster care<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">More than 300,000 children will age out of our foster care system, some in poor health and many unprepared for success in higher education, technical college or the workforce<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">75,000 former foster youth, who aged out of the system, will experience homelessness<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Average time foster care children have been waiting to be adopted: 39.4 months</span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">As an adoptive parent this statistic is overwhelming and calls me to act. November is National Adoption Month, for the month I will be blogging each day to bring attention to the cause of children in foster and adoptive placements, giving parenting tips, and sharing stories. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">How can you get involved? GREAT QUESTION!</span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">1)<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><b>Consider</b> becoming a foster and/or adoptive parent? There are children waiting for your heart and home to create a sense of belonging and stability.</span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.davethomasfoundation.org/"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption</span></a></span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.adopt.org/assembled/home.html"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">National Adoption Center</span></a></span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.adoptioncouncil.org/">National Council for Adoption</a> </span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.adoptuskids.org/">AdoptUsKids</a> </span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.adoptionresources.org/">Adoption Resources</a> </span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/index.cfm">Child Welfare Information Gateway</a></span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: small;"><a href="http://courageouschoice.com/?GCID=S13754x069&KEYWORD=adoption&OVRAW=adoption%20resources&OVKEY=adoption&OVMTC=advanced&OVADID=5903908511&OVKWID=31083841011">Courageous Choice</a></span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.adoptamericanetwork.org/"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Adopt America Network</span></a></span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.capbook.org/"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Children Awaiting Parents</span></a></span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.comeunity.com/index.html"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Comeunity</span></a></span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/waiting/photolists.html">Comeunity Resource Listing </a><br />
</span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.capbook.org/">Children Awaiting Parents</a></span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><a class="fw_link_website" href="http://www.fosterclub.com/"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: small;">Foster Club </span></a><br />
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</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">2)<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><b>Share</b> this blog with friends, family, and associates. You never know who is considering adoption. It may be your sharing that helps bring a family together! <br />
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</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">3)<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><b>Donate</b> through <a href="http://clothingouryouth.webs.com/donate.htm">Clothing Our Children</a>. Children in foster and adoptive placements are in need of the same things that other children may take for granted. We will be purchasing gift cards to be given to various foster and adoptive agencies to benefit the children! Will you donate for them?</span><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: left; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: left; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">This is absolutely an amazing time for me and has taught me to be thankful for the family I was born into and the one I have, and still am, creating.</span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-38479431904135973072009-10-21T12:00:00.000-04:002009-10-23T08:46:22.165-04:00A Father's Day Message: For My Son<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Earlier this year I wrote and posted this to <a href="http://www.facebook.com/sidneygaskins?ref=profile">Facebook</a>:<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">With the impending Father's Day weekend, I thought about my son. And in thinking about him, it seemed relevant to consider my actions that support him in being a father of merit, honor, and substance. Please know that this is aimed at Mothers, Fathers, and those involved in the Lives of our young boys/men.<br />
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</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHLDWOdGu8ggIzCv62aOilqbeA0MzDwZlTWg1TRD4CGUbS0M2H7uZn-OfQ4yb2R-wBpkwzVKESpuVLAdkENqj2t2ewIjzmwJC0RDjPIM92-4-NRKWQM9HjbrB-t6Hsn22lIADNWvmldm4/s1600-h/2007-02-04-1347-50.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHLDWOdGu8ggIzCv62aOilqbeA0MzDwZlTWg1TRD4CGUbS0M2H7uZn-OfQ4yb2R-wBpkwzVKESpuVLAdkENqj2t2ewIjzmwJC0RDjPIM92-4-NRKWQM9HjbrB-t6Hsn22lIADNWvmldm4/s320/2007-02-04-1347-50.jpg" width="224" /></a>Really quick, if you do not know me, I adopted my son when he was three. Yes, I said, "I". It was a choice I made to become a single parent to this little boy. From the first time I saw him, I could not get him out of my mind. He was in a foster home which I visited, as social worker, on a monthly basis. Whenever I went to the home he would be so happy, but the opposite could be said when I would leave. At one point, his Grandma would have to pick him up so I could leave or he would block the door (he was 1 at the time). Eventually, I chose to take the steps to be responsible for his Life, forever. With that said, I knew that it was not going to be an easy task, so I looked for men who could support both me and him.<br />
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</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAp12oKi24_ttRCreJ6guDcG18xgfAvrtfUWfhEdMAB5YKB74CFG40n7HU8opUX_124A0klo1st4x7mn1Ll6NvyF794mbDeKrgfPuVbqbuyKQwfLiFBO2l4UZOPufuq7DRRQBocD_LzKc/s1600-h/DSCN1554.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAp12oKi24_ttRCreJ6guDcG18xgfAvrtfUWfhEdMAB5YKB74CFG40n7HU8opUX_124A0klo1st4x7mn1Ll6NvyF794mbDeKrgfPuVbqbuyKQwfLiFBO2l4UZOPufuq7DRRQBocD_LzKc/s200/DSCN1554.JPG" /></a>As a single mother, it is my job not to "baby" him, but instill in him values that will support him in being productive. At the age of 7, he asked me, "What does it take to be a man?" I am thankful that there is nothing in me that believes that I know what it is like to be a man. I responded by telling him that I do not know what it is like to be a man, gave him "my" thoughts, but told him to address that with my, then, boyfriend. This leads me to share with the single Mom's rearing boys: They are not our trophies, nor tools to be used against their father's to "get" something. Instead, they have been entrusted to us to mold into productive citizens. When their Life becomes an aside to what you want or can get their future is in jeopardy. What you sow into his heart, mind, being, and daily living will manifest. What are you sowing?<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">I chose to have him take on being responsible for what he could as early as possible for two reasons: 1) I'm not trying to be SuperMom and 2) build character and responsibility. My friends who have children his age, especially boys, are surprised at the things he does. I'm guessing because they never thought of it or as one of them said, "I don't trust him to do that!" Well, that is another Oprah Show or Sidney Note. Jamil has been sorting his clothes since 5, putting them in the wash since 6, and totally washing on his own since 7. He loads and unloads the dish washer, puts up groceries, cleans a mean bathroom, vacuums, sweeps, and mops. As the ability to be home by himself, if necessary. The Boy can cook a mean pot of Ramen noodles and add some fixins if need be, reads the back of a box to warm or cook things up, and calls when "somethin' just ain't right". It is not my intention to have a paralyzed grown man running around in society, not if I can help it. It takes starting young to develop a Man, it is a challenge to begin at 15.<br />
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</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnQUM8C65AjaTguiRahOMdEDqwVFaGYNyy2RFfdWp1wCWAdJebj7MJ8EhLVnMAmLZjPRceXDn04e5Fn5-FdKbPp0HESGo6rurTfTcesBpuaIDt_OMu7M01RlxGL5xXJgUCLn5nCJtlalU/s1600-h/DSCN0383.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="162" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnQUM8C65AjaTguiRahOMdEDqwVFaGYNyy2RFfdWp1wCWAdJebj7MJ8EhLVnMAmLZjPRceXDn04e5Fn5-FdKbPp0HESGo6rurTfTcesBpuaIDt_OMu7M01RlxGL5xXJgUCLn5nCJtlalU/s320/DSCN0383.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="208" /></a>From the day Jamil came to live with me I was on pins and needles. I want so much for him. I spend time thinking about "what's next?" for him to get where he wants to go. And I listed to my male friends to get their take on situations, how I can better be a Mother to this little guy, and gather their wisdom. If it were not for other men like Charles Collins (his Godfather), James Gray (my ex), Jerrald Gaskins (my brother), Lance Montford (my cousin), William Dallas (great friend), and Arneil Seedarnee (brother from another mother) I can only imagine where he and I would be. There are tons of men that I watch and take notes from to implement with Jamil. More likely than not, if you are tagged in this Note, I take a look at your actions vicariously and you contribute to how I am with him. Jamil is lucky, he has a host of people praying for, supporting, and interested in him becoming a man of substance. As his Mother I choose to open up the World to him giving him simple wisdom, sharing my challenges and triumphs, having conversations that make a difference for his Life, and listening to his dreams.<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">In my relationship with men, I've learned that it is my responsibility to model good choices in men who would be around him. And that he sees how a woman carries herself. For him to see arguing, fussing and foolishness contributes to what he thinks a relationship is about. You bring "Dude" around then, your son will emulate "Dude", bring "My Dawg" around you will see "My Dawg" in him, if you choose "A Gentleman" to be a part of your Life you will see "A Gentleman" emerge. It is that simple. You do reap what you sow.<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">My simple wisdom for him to be a man of substance:<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">- be aware of your actions and how they effect you and those around you.<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">- don't be ashamed to show emotions<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">- eat healthy!<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">- manners matter<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">- use your brain, reasoning is a great thing<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">- hygiene, you don't wanna be the stinky kid!<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">- looks do matter, a first impression says a lot<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">- live your dreams, they are yours<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">- you can own it if you want it<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">- never fear asking questions<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">- have a system for doing things, makes it easier<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">- never be around a girl who argues all the time and won't shut up - she'll cause you too much stress! (he got that!)<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">These are ones he remembered, I just asked him:<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">- have a clean house<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">- do your best in school so you don't have to drop out<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">- don't lie - it gets you into big trouble! (YAY! Now let's put it into practice!)<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;">My simple wisdom for him has come from Life, but mostly a desire to celebrate him being a great man. If the only thing I ever contribute to this World is a Man of substance, merit, and honor, I will consider that to be a legacy worthy of my Life. He is not "mine", who he is contributes to the World. <br />
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-24680134579198517572009-10-20T12:00:00.000-04:002009-10-18T16:46:16.046-04:00Love Actually: Watch your Mouth<div style="text-align: justify;">Let me begin by saying, I have never seen the movie "Love Actually". Okay?! With that out of the way, for the past two days it seems that the word "love" has come up in different conversations. What seemed to be a sacred word, now, seems to be one which is used for everything and anything. It has no real meaning anymore. All too often words are treated like old rags, used with no thought and thrown around with no care. <br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Words are all we have. They create the World around us, the World in which we live. For you to read and understand what you are reading words had to be used. Words shape everything. Words are all we have. When we use them without thought or consideration of their affect on others that alone creates a World of confusion. With the events of the past months, the death of Michael Jackson and the conversations (not connected to that), it just seems that we have lost the significance of the word "love". Heavens, people are sliding down walks because they "loved" Michael, a person they have never met. People say they "love" a certain ice cream, movie, car, house, color, China pattern, and so on. Are you kidding me? Love actually. <br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC12WZShj-vwdQQJ05mViBrc2bhvqHuBUlIUzzxJGlF2loMQ-9_CrsnIzmbPJQLbSAAhbvsfIWWMxwDmTnP6z5cwPfdtQESRoP4YwxxM_GXgi6F6St7Cz9HxhBOHLwd4aIo_6-wJnsUU0/s1600-h/mouth+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC12WZShj-vwdQQJ05mViBrc2bhvqHuBUlIUzzxJGlF2loMQ-9_CrsnIzmbPJQLbSAAhbvsfIWWMxwDmTnP6z5cwPfdtQESRoP4YwxxM_GXgi6F6St7Cz9HxhBOHLwd4aIo_6-wJnsUU0/s320/mouth+1.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Love actually, is a choice. Love actually, is action. Love actually, is a relationship. Love actually, is a connection. See, from my vantage point, love is not a word to be used without thought. Not to be thrown about without clarity. Love is powerful. The word is powerful. In my World, the use of the word love is like holding a loaded gun, when you shoot it you cannot take it back. If it hits the target things are changed forever. In relationships, people too often do not look at what love really is, or confuse it for lust. Yes, lust. The fluttering of your heart, the sweaty palms, and the presence of pheromones are all physical responses that you do not have control over. That is where the mind can make a difference. Love actually. <br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">The mind makes a huge difference because love is a choice. You do not "fall in love", if that is true please have the police start patrolling for these potholes and stuff people keep falling into. Maybe we need a whole division dedicated to that alone. Anyway, love actually is a gift you give someone else. When you care for someone and want to give them a great gift there is lot of thought that goes into that gift. You think about who they are, what they mean to you, their likes and dislikes, the thing that will make them smile, and then you consider the cost to you, what you can realistically afford to purchase, and then, make the purchase. Yes, it takes something to choose to love someone, but it should not be taken lightly. There are ways of being when you love. Love actually. <br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">With all this said, I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 13, usually called the love chapter in the Bible. What I did may make mouths drop, but too bad. Instead of quoting the verse, I took the time to revamp it. Yes, revamp it. How? Simple, too often we speak of what something is not I just flipped it. Only verses 4-8(a) are a part of my translation. Love actually is: <br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>Love is patient, love is kind. Love is confident and content, love is modest, love is humble. Love is polite and respectful, love is giving, love is calm, it allows for new starts. Love rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love prospers, grows, and produces.</b> <br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">With that in mind, the next time you choose to give the gift of your love think about it. The next time someone asks "do you love me?" think about it. The next time you get ready to use the word love, stop to think if that is what you really mean because it is a gift you give, not lightly, or without thought. I have learned to be careful with my words, they make a difference. I have learned to think before I speak, it brings clarity. And I've learned that love is special, not to be tossed about; at least not by me. Love actually.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif"; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 115%;">Copyright © 2006-2009<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div align="center" class="Default" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 8pt;">Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-39748805586810570112009-10-20T10:08:00.000-04:002009-10-20T10:10:43.780-04:00LIFE IS FOR THE LIVING<meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" http-equiv="Content-Type"></meta><meta content="Word.Document" name="ProgId"></meta><meta content="Microsoft Word 12" name="Generator"></meta><meta content="Microsoft Word 12" name="Originator"></meta><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_editdata.mso" rel="Edit-Time-Data"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx" rel="themeData"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml" rel="colorSchemeMapping"></link><style>
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<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: "",sans-serif,"","serif"; font-size: 18pt;">Commemorate, Celebrate, Appreciate</span></b><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">Every time I think I want to write something about my Mother I put it off, change my mind, or figure there is no need. Not for a lack of love, but there is so much I could say, my mind starts to run in a million directions, and it just seems to take more energy than I want to exert to focus myself appropriately. What I realized is that all too often those times are all about me and not necessarily about sharing me with others or what can be offered from my sharing. So, with that said, I am focusing.</span><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs5NeX2DiD-fsTbKfHhnTE_t9e3l0Pb0617y9kGL0Vpe4hWQh4uygky7Py40_ns9CMDcBZlx9ltHfUl9jZ4meU-bEtYhchswXeKLEbTAq8jYFF0JRuI6yevaDtOVQ_pA1LwNALT4NPpWg/s1600-h/2007-02-04-1238-02_edited.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs5NeX2DiD-fsTbKfHhnTE_t9e3l0Pb0617y9kGL0Vpe4hWQh4uygky7Py40_ns9CMDcBZlx9ltHfUl9jZ4meU-bEtYhchswXeKLEbTAq8jYFF0JRuI6yevaDtOVQ_pA1LwNALT4NPpWg/s200/2007-02-04-1238-02_edited.jpg" /></a>Today is October 20, 2009, which I have dubbed Family Day for my siblings and me. Who cares about October 20? What is so special about October 20? On October 20, 1945 our mother was born in Cleveland, Ohio, as a result we are family. She died on September 23, 2002 in Kalamazoo, Michigan with all three of her children by her side, in the same room, and ironically, it was a beautiful day. Needless to say that is a day we will not forget. I remember it as if it just happened. Following that day, life has not been the same. For months after it seemed as thought I were in a fog, haze, or even a storm from which I would never emerge.</span><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">Sitting in my car, preparing to pick up my son, I heard Pastor Joey Johnson on the radio. Hearing him changed my life and perception of grieving. Joey Johnson is the senior pastor at <a href="http://www.thotl.org/">The House of the Lord</a> in Akron, Ohio. That particular day he spoke about grieving, being free of the hurt, and dealing with the change loss can bring. At the end of the program you were given the opportunity to order the series and invited to join their grief recovery group. I did both, immediately. By then, I figured “life can’t get much worse than this” and made arrangements to be at every session. One particular session talked about having the ability to celebrate the life of someone who has died. And that is what I have chosen to do along with my siblings.</span><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht9QzvXCcWqRy8K32baxOJ5WUVZB29_MJiocus9ku1kej1JXxvky0Rey9a2XF8vj1Vc6X9DGyLRjNu_yNcX-b-qekJFreYvHyz8mpBeuGXdAIPK7U8EaPciGoN6k5AbYc8VYSJRJPVEw4/s1600-h/2007-02-04-1219-04_edited.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht9QzvXCcWqRy8K32baxOJ5WUVZB29_MJiocus9ku1kej1JXxvky0Rey9a2XF8vj1Vc6X9DGyLRjNu_yNcX-b-qekJFreYvHyz8mpBeuGXdAIPK7U8EaPciGoN6k5AbYc8VYSJRJPVEw4/s200/2007-02-04-1219-04_edited.jpg" /></a></span><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">I choose to celebrate the fact that Carol Y. Wilkes lived and gave me life, that she shared herself with many people I will never meet yet she touched, that she showed me love, and left me a legacy of the same. And maybe most of all I have siblings with whom to celebrate love and life. So, her birthday is not a day of mourning, but a day to commemorate a life beginning, a life that brought about new lives. Her birthday is not a day of sorrow, but a day to celebrate her bright smile, laugh, heart, life, times spent, and the legacy she has left on earth. And her birthday has become a day for my siblings and I to appreciate each other because we have her in common and because we truly love that we are family. If it were not for her we would not be family. October 20<sup>th</sup> each year is Family Day among my siblings and me. It is the day we take a moment to call, text, or email to acknowledge each other as family. </span><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPntuY36zeonqi5LiOnjgDA5dnOstIooS354iB650I0iPFuLzMJHjDqlgZ5mM4ueCfAWa7DQ-fUF-xzNqoynXay-ykC0iDUKm0-6oy12PUn4d5mHAot30KRMnykoiYHXNznklGoR4ADgg/s1600-h/DSCN1062.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPntuY36zeonqi5LiOnjgDA5dnOstIooS354iB650I0iPFuLzMJHjDqlgZ5mM4ueCfAWa7DQ-fUF-xzNqoynXay-ykC0iDUKm0-6oy12PUn4d5mHAot30KRMnykoiYHXNznklGoR4ADgg/s200/DSCN1062.JPG" /></a></span><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">For those who have someone who has died, you are still “stuck”, upset, and questioning. It is okay, wherever you are in your journey. Consider, commemorating the life of your loved one and making a celebration of love. Yet, I would be remiss if I did not share information for grief recovery. <a href="http://grief-recovery.com/">The Grief Recovery Institute®</a> is based in California and trains people to conduct grief recovery groups. As a result of my experience, I went on to be certified as a specialist and assisted in the first group held in Cleveland, Ohio. </span><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">Please take the time to look into the <a href="http://www.grief.net/Workshop/personal_workshop.htm">Personal Workshop</a> and other offerings from The Grief Recovery Institute, if you find yourself, loved ones, friends, or associates dealing with grief (loss of job, finances, a loved one, health, etc.).</span><br />
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
Enterprising Life, LLC. All rights reserved.
Enterprising Life, LLC. is a professional coaching and consulting enterprise
that helps individuals, families, and businesses create fulfillment in life and
the workplace, while achieving prosperity and productivity.
www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-1497495671633463812009-10-18T16:14:00.000-04:002009-10-18T16:14:41.513-04:00Inside You: The Glow<meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" http-equiv="Content-Type"></meta><meta content="Word.Document" name="ProgId"></meta><meta content="Microsoft Word 12" name="Generator"></meta><meta content="Microsoft Word 12" name="Originator"></meta><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx" rel="themeData"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml" rel="colorSchemeMapping"></link><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt;">Wisdom of The Last Dragon<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFLivPLkVRgkWqYxIsSo0u0QQgfmKfLhB0N2xN9bwltYV1T03i8OnvTFOiJ-SFm-8KQidc9ImPoGp1AzQLgPfUGuLb75EI-Bz9owG11UDy2GJ9ZV2EbP0fPmo4vZhVmkCtW_oRKw8N7Gc/s1600-h/Last+Dragon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFLivPLkVRgkWqYxIsSo0u0QQgfmKfLhB0N2xN9bwltYV1T03i8OnvTFOiJ-SFm-8KQidc9ImPoGp1AzQLgPfUGuLb75EI-Bz9owG11UDy2GJ9ZV2EbP0fPmo4vZhVmkCtW_oRKw8N7Gc/s320/Last+Dragon.jpg" width="207" /></a><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">In 1985, "The Last Dragon" came out and for me that was an automatic hit. My brother, who is 8 years my senior, was the keeper of the television and we often ended up watching Kung-Fu movies on Sundays. With that said, it seemed natural that Bruce Leroy would get our money, or should I say my Mother's change from around the house. With nothing but coins in my hands and my trusty cohort and sister, Jamila, with me I went to see that movie at the Plaza Theaters in Kent, Ohio on more than one occasion. As a matter of fact, the impetus for this note comes from watching the movie this morning.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">Each one of us have an inner strength that we often do not tap into. See Leroy thought his power came from his Master and that he had to stay with him, continue to study, and then, he would have the "power". His Master knew that true power would not come until Leroy went out on his own to test his abilities, intincts, and knowledge for himself. Between the two of them the only one who believed that Leroy had the power was his Master. Knowing Leroy was full of fear, the Master, gives him a medallion and sends him off to look for another Master.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">More often than not, others see the greatness inside of us before we do. Our fear holds us back from kicking the door open on the life we want to live. At the end of the story Leroy gets the infamous "glow" which shows up when he becomes confident in his ability to defeat Shonuff, the neighborhood bully. See you too have the ability to have what you want, it is a matter of playing a bigger game with your Life. When we stop the excuses, the reasonableness, procrastination, selfishness, secrecy, and egotistical behavior the World shows up magnificently. The glow is ease, freedom, comfort, boldness, confidence, and having all you want and need to have the life you have dreamed. Add whatever would work for you to have the Life you love those just happen to ones that come to mind for me.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjqydXZynfPQdDEjZ9gW8eOYd8ntQqebQ8gk-anTuoBW1HL-8dwQwkPPMj-LpBxiNNlaMuq1Cza1Y0tGKoCjhDPJS7sJcI4SzljFY3jL_H7QHdEFjC4GC_X4Jt_8AKD09Wgv2BKgFy-Wo/s1600-h/Wendyy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjqydXZynfPQdDEjZ9gW8eOYd8ntQqebQ8gk-anTuoBW1HL-8dwQwkPPMj-LpBxiNNlaMuq1Cza1Y0tGKoCjhDPJS7sJcI4SzljFY3jL_H7QHdEFjC4GC_X4Jt_8AKD09Wgv2BKgFy-Wo/s320/Wendyy.jpg" width="128" /></a><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">A few years ago, a coach of mine, Wendy Y. Bailey and I were talking in a session and I told her that my greatest fear is all that I have said about myself is not true. That I am more fearful of what is inside than anything else. And that is the truth of most people. We are more afraid of ourselves than we are of others. We are truly great Beings who can accomplish feats of the miraculous and unexplainable at anytime. You and I are powerful in our being, speaking, and thinking. When I was sent the following quote I immediately saved it. And so I share it with the intention that you find inside you the Power to achieve all you desire... The Glow.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><i><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”<o:p></o:p></span></i><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%;">~Marianne Williamson, from A Return to Love</span><br />
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2006-2009
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www.SidneyGaskins.webs.com
SidneyGaskins@gmail.com</div>Sidney Gaskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05992542296395029686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4359581838917352827.post-57864174770769477192009-10-18T09:32:00.001-04:002009-10-18T14:43:31.667-04:00I’m Not Judging, I’m Just Saying: Girl Please!<meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" http-equiv="Content-Type"></meta><meta content="Microsoft Word 12" name="Generator"></meta><meta content="Microsoft Word 12" name="Originator"></meta><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_editdata.mso" rel="Edit-Time-Data"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx" rel="themeData"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSidney%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml" rel="colorSchemeMapping"></link><style>
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Last night I took the time to view 48 Hours on CBS. Let me start with this: I do not know the Anthony Family, was not around when Caylee was killed, and do not know who killed her. All that I have to say is straight forward, unadulterated, and purely my observations of one thing: 30 days without contact with a 3 year old. I have one thing to say to Casey Anthony, to not tell anyone your child is missing for 30 days…. GIRL PLEASE!</span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">A childhood friend of mine commented on my Facebook post of information referring to this case. My comment is what the impetus for this posting:<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><i>I don't know if she did it or not, no one does except her and God. What I can say is that it all looks fiiiishy. You and I know that if our children are gone past the time we tell them to be home we are off the looking for them. The emotions you go through are usually as follows: 1) anger, "you should be home when you were told", 2) concern, "where... Read More is 'x'?" "did something happen? and then, 3) anxiety/panic, after 10-15 minutes and them not appearing you begin going into the worst place you can think. How could this Mom not call the police? Her mother had to cal AFTER 30 days. I SMELL AN OCEAN LINER FULL OF ROTTEN FISH!!<o:p></o:p></i><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">As the parent of a ten year old boy, I find it hard to allow him to run the neighborhood without knowing where he his going, with whom he will be playing, and when he will return. I remember one day, last year, in which he left the obligatory “within ear shot” range, had gone with friends to another street in the subdivision, and I just about lost it. I bought him a watch so he could come home at the appropriate time to check in. By the time I had to come out of the house, he was past that time, coupled with the fact that he was not in “ear shot” of me yelling for him, you have the perfect storm for my mind to run wild. Stepping off of the front porch, I took a breathe, attempted to gather my thoughts about where he <i>might </i>be, with whom may have been, and then, began my search. An avalanche of thoughts hit me at one point: what did he have one from head to toe? Where did he say he was going? What is the most likely place he could have been? After looking for him for all of 2-3 minutes I returned to the house and about 30 seconds after I got in, he bounced into the house. Relieved, I found myself overcome by anger, frustration, and anxiety because he had no idea how worried I had become in the matter of 10-15 minutes. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipCrcxEJcV2L5pnimLSES_X0GQdsR-Of1yqgmlYIo47d6HnGQD9yl8PZAGFvFh-rhq7uH7V5bEFb8KflgbQI3q8rirP4EpiJ3rHiJyW4mSTu1Oc6AAFVXJmIBsOlnwkHN5H132jzHdoWM/s1600-h/caylee_anthony.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="144" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipCrcxEJcV2L5pnimLSES_X0GQdsR-Of1yqgmlYIo47d6HnGQD9yl8PZAGFvFh-rhq7uH7V5bEFb8KflgbQI3q8rirP4EpiJ3rHiJyW4mSTu1Oc6AAFVXJmIBsOlnwkHN5H132jzHdoWM/s200/caylee_anthony.jpg" width="129" /></a><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJYCIyoQ9dCcdRnmJPN07TlMjOkW9ehX6qdRIF_6yeudxLF7nujKpHwSvSrz3DO3_13owhNmx-HSA-vwUBZoSkmANZPHObU5xkq4drtMCxd_Hn_PIlXb9Qf9xS6OIT_V3e0Bj3rdQXqQ0/s1600-h/casey+party.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="122" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJYCIyoQ9dCcdRnmJPN07TlMjOkW9ehX6qdRIF_6yeudxLF7nujKpHwSvSrz3DO3_13owhNmx-HSA-vwUBZoSkmANZPHObU5xkq4drtMCxd_Hn_PIlXb9Qf9xS6OIT_V3e0Bj3rdQXqQ0/s320/casey+party.jpg" width="134" /></a><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">For the parent of a 3 year old to wait 30 days seems to be so out of line it boggles my mind. My son was </span><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">playing with friends in our neighborhood and did not report in on time and I almost had a coronary. I did not go back in the house to call friends and plan a night out. Why? Motherly instinct kicked in and my worry about his well-being would not let me do anything but be concerned for him. How you have a 3 year old child missing for more than 5 minutes and not go into panic is beyond me. How you have a 3 year old missing for 12 minutes and not call authorities, is beyond me. How you have a 3 year old “held” by a nanny, and not call authorities is beyond me? And how you are not the person who calls the authorities about your missing child is a smelly situation all together. George and Cindy Anthony, Casey’s parents, have some soul searching to do. There is no place in my mind that I can go which would allow me to make excuses for a child of mine to go 30 days without knowing the location their child. It is not normal.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">The <a href="http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PublicHomeServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US">National Center for Missing and Exploited Children</a> has been in the business of looking for children for 25 years. On their website, they have resources for parents and guardians which in includes what to do if your child is missing. Not surprising to this writer, is that the following is prominent on the page telling people what to do if their child is missing. You might be surprised and surely Casey would be to, but here it is: “</span><b><a href="http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=244">ACT IMMEDIATELY if you believe that your child is missing</a>.” </b>Each day an average of 2,185 children are reported missing which equates to 797,500 children under the age of 18 per year. The Statistics break down like this according to the US Deartment of Justice in 2002:<o:p></o:p><br />
</div><ul style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><b><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">797,500</span></b><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> children (younger than 18) were reported missing in a one-year period of time studied resulting in an average of 2,185 children being reported missing each day.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><b><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">203,900</span></b><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> children were the victims of family abductions.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><b><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">58,200</span></b><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> children were the victims of non-family abductions.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><b><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">115</span></b><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> children were the victims of “stereotypical” kidnapping. (These crimes involve someone the child does not know or someone of slight acquaintance, who holds the child overnight, transports the child 50 miles or more, kills the child, demands ransom, or intends to keep the child permanently.)<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 7.5pt;">[Andrea J. Sedlak, David Finkelhor, Heather Hammer, and Dana J. Schultz. U.S. Department of Justice. "National Estimates of Missing Children: An Overview" in </span><i><span style="font-size: 7.5pt;">National Incidence Studies of Missing, Abducted, Runaway, and Thrownaway Children</span></i><span style="font-size: 7.5pt;">. Washington, DC: Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice, October 2002, page 5.] <o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="subtitle" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> In this information age, there is no reason for inaction on the part of any person charged with the care of a child. Just in case, there is someone who does not have information on what to do I would be derelict in my duty as a parent and child advocate, if I did not share the following information:</span><br />
</div><div class="subtitle" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"> <br />
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</div><div class="subtitle" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"><b>What to Do: </b><o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><ul style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">If your child is missing from home, search the house checking closets, piles of laundry, in and under beds, inside large appliances, and inside vehicles, including trunksâ</span><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">€”</span><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">wherever a child may crawl or hide.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul><ul style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">If you still cannot find your child,<b> <span style="color: #e0040f;">immediately call your local law enforcement agency.</span></b><o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul><ul style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">If your child disappears in a store, notify the store manager or security office. Then<span style="color: #e0040f;"> <b>immediately call your local law-enforcement agency. </b></span>Many stores have a <a href="http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=3466&PageId=588">Code Adam</a> plan of action— if a child is missing in the store, employees immediately mobilize to look for the missing child. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul><ul style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">When you call law enforcement, provide your child's name, date of birth, height, weight, and any other unique identifiers such as eyeglasses and braces. Tell them when you noticed that your child was missing and what clothing he or she was wearing. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul><ul style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">Request that your child's name and identifying information be immediately entered into the <b>National Crime Information Center (NCIC) Missing Person File.</b><o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul><ul style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;">After you have reported your child missing to law enforcement, call the <b>National Center for Missing & Exploited Children</b> on our toll-free telephone number: <b><span style="color: #e0040f;">1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678)</span></b>. Or you can use our <a href="http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=992&PageId=375">Live Hotline</a> to talk to NCMEC through our web site.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 7.5pt;">Adapted from <i>Just in Case...Missing</i>. Copyright© 1985 National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC). All rights reserved.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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</div><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">Children are the most defenseless beings on the face of this earth, which is my opinion. As an adoptive parent, former social worker, and advocate for children this case begs the question, “Who is caring for the least of them?” In the case of Caylee Anthony, from my view, it was not her mother. With all the excuses and stories she has told, all I can say to her is “Girl please!”</span><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif"; font-size: 7.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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