Love Actually: Watch your Mouth

Let me begin by saying, I have never seen the movie "Love Actually". Okay?! With that out of the way, for the past two days it seems that the word "love" has come up in different conversations. What seemed to be a sacred word, now, seems to be one which is used for everything and anything. It has no real meaning anymore. All too often words are treated like old rags, used with no thought and thrown around with no care.

Words are all we have. They create the World around us, the World in which we live. For you to read and understand what you are reading words had to be used. Words shape everything. Words are all we have. When we use them without thought or consideration of their affect on others that alone creates a World of confusion. With the events of the past months, the death of Michael Jackson and the conversations (not connected to that), it just seems that we have lost the significance of the word "love". Heavens, people are sliding down walks because they "loved" Michael, a person they have never met. People say they "love" a certain ice cream, movie, car, house, color, China pattern, and so on. Are you kidding me? Love actually.

Love actually, is a choice. Love actually, is action. Love actually, is a relationship. Love actually, is a connection. See, from my vantage point, love is not a word to be used without thought. Not to be thrown about without clarity. Love is powerful. The word is powerful. In my World, the use of the word love is like holding a loaded gun, when you shoot it you cannot take it back. If it hits the target things are changed forever. In relationships, people too often do not look at what love really is, or confuse it for lust. Yes, lust. The fluttering of your heart, the sweaty palms, and the presence of pheromones are all physical responses that you do not have control over. That is where the mind can make a difference. Love actually.

The mind makes a huge difference because love is a choice. You do not "fall in love", if that is true please have the police start patrolling for these potholes and stuff people keep falling into. Maybe we need a whole division dedicated to that alone. Anyway, love actually is a gift you give someone else. When you care for someone and want to give them a great gift there is lot of thought that goes into that gift. You think about who they are, what they mean to you, their likes and dislikes, the thing that will make them smile, and then you consider the cost to you, what you can realistically afford to purchase, and then, make the purchase. Yes, it takes something to choose to love someone, but it should not be taken lightly. There are ways of being when you love. Love actually.

With all this said, I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 13, usually called the love chapter in the Bible. What I did may make mouths drop, but too bad. Instead of quoting the verse, I took the time to revamp it. Yes, revamp it. How? Simple, too often we speak of what something is not I just flipped it. Only verses 4-8(a) are a part of my translation. Love actually is:

Love is patient, love is kind. Love is confident and content, love is modest, love is humble. Love is polite and respectful, love is giving, love is calm, it allows for new starts. Love rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love prospers, grows, and produces.

With that in mind, the next time you choose to give the gift of your love think about it. The next time someone asks "do you love me?" think about it. The next time you get ready to use the word love, stop to think if that is what you really mean because it is a gift you give, not lightly, or without thought. I have learned to be careful with my words, they make a difference. I have learned to think before I speak, it brings clarity. And I've learned that love is special, not to be tossed about; at least not by me. Love actually.

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Misguided Quotes and other Myths

When we think about love and relationships we reflect on all types of myths, old wives tales, and quotes. It is interesting to look at how humans react to love. A four lettered word which has many a definition, been the well-spring of man songs and fights, cause confusion, and has more people chasing after it than money. People have shown that they can do without money, we barter for what we need and want. And people live in poverty with very little money. However, the same cannot be said for love. Yes, love and money seem to be cousins; kissing cousins.



One quote has seemed to remain a staple of love lore, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it never was yours to begin with." It has be attributed to Fiona Baldwin, who information is missing in the vast Internet superhighway. Unfortunately, this quote has been passed to generations who have embraced its well meaning sentiment, yet have taken little time to debunk such a quote to create something that is empowering and supports healthy, growing, and stable relationships. Why has this one spent so much time in the annuls of the human love bank?

In relationships we spend time with people getting to know them and so we think. The truth is that the majority of the time in relationships is not spent getting to know the other person or even spending time with that person. It is spent showing them what you want them to see or need them to see and then attempting to make them into what you need or want. There is a famous monologue from William Shakespeare's As You Like It, that encompasses the idea brilliantly:

"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts,"

We play part in Life without thought to who were are playing them with and end up in a relationship were we believe we have love. Mostly because there is misguided idea of the meaning of love. That is another subject all together. To grasp the myth of this quote is to understand one simple thing, you have the power to get what you want, but you must be clear about what you want and need, then be willing to stand up for it.

Conversations about love and relationships are had regularly at work, at home, in the grocery store; among friends, family, strangers, and in religious settings. Let it not be forgotten, on the Internet, which brings out an interesting statement. The point was made that if you let someone go and they come back maybe they had nowhere else to go, not because they belonged with you. Human nature is to seek comfort, care, and be in a place where we can get the necessities of Life. If you are no longer in a healthy relationship and you have to go find one, that can be hard, and the tendency is to go back to what you know, disregarding the signs, to be taken care of and needs met.

Situations in Life are no different than relationships. They comeback and due to a comfort level, an inability to deal with it appropriately, or a lack of recognition it is let back in to place where it does not belong. And the tendency is to resort to resignation, cynicism, doubt, and fear. "Well I guess this is the way it will always be", "I've tried and tried and nothing helps", "God must mean for this to be this way" and surely, there are more. And it is the truth, only if you sign the contract on it. To accept something blindly without looking at it from all angles puts you in a position where you have given away your power.

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it never was yours to begin with... a statement of powerlessness, doubt, cynicism, and defeat can be turned around and used as a guide to living powerfully:

1. Love freely: Allow who you are to be about love. Love is unconditional, as well as about well-being for you and others. It is not love to have yourself be injured or suppressed to allow another to be free.
2. Be Aware: There are people and situations that will reappear. When you are aware of who your, what you want, and the issues others bring to the "party" you can freely choose to take part or leave it alone.
3. Forever Only if You Say: You can have a situation or a person in your Life forever, only if you accept it.
4. Lose Control: No really, lose control! You have no control over what others say, do, how they act, react, or do not act or react. That is the truth.

Rewrite the quote and take back to Power in your Life to have the relationships that will support you. You can join my Free NO GAS CLASS on Tuesdays "Unleash the Power" to explore the power you have to produce the Life you want now. Register at www.unleashthepower.eventbrite.com.