Not Your Average Love Story Most little girls, as they are growing up, dream of the white picket fence, the husband, and having two children. That is not my story, it did cross my mind, but somehow I knew my family would never be the normal one. My Love Story, began when I saw a little boy at a foster home in October of 2000. When I tell people about meeting him, it sounds like a made for television drama. See when you adopt, the child is born in your heart. The winter began to set in on Cleveland, Ohio; I worked in the Department of Children and Family Services as a social worker. The first children I visited were two girls placed in a foster home. Prior to this case, I had none. In fact, I had a choice between 2-3 other cases and chose this particular one. Single, college graduate, no children, those were my basic stats at the time. As I sat on the couch of the foster parents’ home there was a tiny boy hiding behind the curtains playing peek-a-boo with me and laughing. Soon after his antics with the curtains he crawled up on the couch, sat next to me, and just looked at me. He moved closer, and then closer, eventually he was on my lap. In a moment of freedom I said, “I’m gonna take you home with me.” About a year following that day, his foster mother told me he was available for adoption. Due to making monthly visits to the home for the other children placed there, I had grown attached to hi, and always wanted to know how he was doing. When told me, my heart stopped and I got worried that I would never know how he was or what happened to him. So, I made the choice to adopt him. Single, college graduate, no children, those were my basic stats at the time. Little did I know that day would be a day to change two lives. Jamil, officially, became my son in March of 2003 at the age of 3 years old and our love story is still being written. Adoption, to me is no different than having a natural child in many ways. I question my fitness as a parent and whether I made the “right” decision. And there were times, and still are, when I thought he would be better off with someone else. He would have two parents, a bigger house, a better yard, a dog (like he begs me to get), and other siblings in the home (like he begs me to get). And were it not for the support of other family and friends, we would not have made it this far. He is what I live for now. He is the Love of my Life. When I think about him not being in my life, it is hard to fathom. I received a call from my sister in California, whom he stays with for part of the summer. At the time was nine years old, he was asking about his birth Mother, and I became worried. To let you know, he is has always known he was adopted; he has an album with the names of his birth parents, knows he has siblings and has bet all but one of them. It has never been a conversation that was off limits for him. With that said, she had questioned him on what he would change about his life and he said, “nothing”. He expressed that he loves me, he is happy to be adopted, and he would not change that at all. Neither would I. At every juncture, it has always been my intention to have him be well adjusted. Unlike birth children, Jamil has questions about life that speak to who he is in a different way. Why he is not with his birth family? What happened that his parents were not able to care for him? He has a list of questions of which I can not and would not attempt answer for him. However, as his Mom I can be there to support him in becoming what he wants to be, developing him for the future, and accepting himself. Isn’t that what being a parent is about anyway? Still single, still a college graduate, one child, those are my basic stats. He was not born from me physically, but he was born in my heart. And this is not your average love story. Are you considering becoming an adoptive parent? There are plenty of helpful resources available, listed below: Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption National Adoption Center National Council for Adoption AdoptUsKids Adoption Resources Child Welfare Information Gateway Courageous Choice Adopt America Network Children Awaiting Parents Comeunity Comeunity Resource Listing Children Awaiting Parents

"Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody expects of you. Never excuse yourself.”

~Henry Ward Beecher

Understanding “A Standard of Excellence” involves understanding the words “standard” and “excellence”. Words are often used with little thought given to their true meaning. We throw around the word “love” so much that it has lost its meaning. We “love” coffee, our pets, that jacket, those shoes, and even people we have barely known a minute. It stands to question whether we can have “A Standard of Excellence” without having a true understanding of what it is.

A standard can be defined multiple ways. At one point a standard was a banner carried during times of war, it served as a rallying point, or emblem to gather the troops. It can be defined as a personal flag, one of a royal family, or organization. “Something set up and established by authority as a rule for measure,” is another definition. All of these would be appropriate to use at different times and give an idea of what a standard could be. For our purposes just about all can be applied in different aspects.

More often than not we are given standards for things by an authority. A standard ruler is twelve inches measuring a foot, a standard work day is eight hours, standard pregnancy is said to last for nine months, and your standard date is dinner and a movie. These standards were set by an authority, we do not know who yet we follow them readily. There are even standards set for what people should eat each day created for us. Someone created the standard quantity, weight, extent, duration, value, or quality and we accepted it. We accepted it unconsciously giving no thought to our own ability to create something different for ourselves. Most of us live unconsciously off of and by the standards set by others. We can raise the banner, flag, standard of our own Life. Two last definitions to take note of deal with structure, support, and stability. Standards give us those three things; the question is “to what standard do you hold yourself?” If your standard is excellence then the next step is to find out what it means to be excellent.

Excel, the root word of excellent, comes from the Latin word excellere meaning “to rise, project”. Sounds like we have passed “standard” before getting to define excel or excellent. To excel is to surpass in accomplishments or achievement, to be distinguishable by superiority. Superiority that is not arrogant or egotistical. This superiority speaks for itself, there are no words necessary, it has integrity, is confident, well put together, and moves with purpose. Excelling is going beyond a stated or implied limit set by an authority or established by a custom or tradition, and even past achievements. To excel one must push further than what is asked, transcending what is thought, moving past the norm to reach another level, outdoing your own past, and creating competition. Competition where there is only one person in the game, You. Excelling is continual. It is perpetual. There is no place called Excel City. It is a verb. Breaking through the ceiling called standard, status quo, or good enough creates excellence. It is a mindset, a place where you can live perpetually through excelling, being in motion, moving past yesterday; it takes motion to create excellence.

You are the authority which creates how you will measure the quantity and quality of the time given to tasks, people, and things. You say what a priority is, has value, and the quantity of money, time, and effort given to things in your Life. Only you can exceed standards set by authorities and yourself. Only you can push yourself past the baseline you have created. To have Life worth living, excelling must be one of the stones on which you build all aspects of your Life.

Set a "Standard of Excellence" in intimate relationships, with family and friends, in money management, with your health, in keeping your home, in dealing with and in your community, in communication, in your business, and see how things begin to come alive in your Life. Raise the Standard. A Standard of perpetual motion, outdoing self to the next level daily – that is the Standard of Excellence. Go beyond the norm, be distinguishable, be excellent.

A Journey of a Million Miles: Being in Harmony with the Flow of Life

Butterflies are one of my favorite creatures. Maybe it is due to the butterfly decal my Mom had on in the rear window of our 1970’s Ford Station Wagon. Butterflies seem to appear out of nowhere, when in fact, there is a process to them sprouting those beautiful wings, similar to the Life of a human being.

We all have a time where we will sprout wings. Metaphorically speaking, it comes at different times for everyone. The transformation from caterpillar to butterfly occurs without struggle or strain; it is just a part of the cycle of the caterpillar to butterfly. There are over 160,000 types of butterflies in the world, just as there are differences in people. From the beginning a caterpillar is a voracious eater consuming food, just like in the book The Very Hungry Caterpillar. In the next phase, it ceases to consume food and goes into a “mummy-like” state. Some caterpillars go into this phase by covering themselves with a cocoon, hiding in dirt, or simply suspend themselves from trees using a silk pad attached to a tree. Whatever way they choose, the caterpillar goes into a world of its own until it is time for it to emerge. When the butterfly emerges from the cocoon it is unrecognizable, the creature that once was no longer exists.

The life of a caterpillar is not unlike the life of a human. At the beginning of life, we take in everything from food to noises to faces. At some point, there we break away and begin creating our own cocoon. It could be the cocoon of our friends, family, neighborhood, college, trade school, or job that serves to give us what we want. What happens in that cocoon can dictate our characteristics when we emerge, if we emerge at all. If the cocoon is too tight, gets damaged, or there is an accident the contents may be skewed, missing necessary elements, or not see the light of day. The cocoon is there to serve as a place for growth and development of the things necessary to survive in the next phase. When the butterfly becomes visible, they are miraculous.

Once the butterfly appears it instinctively goes on its way. Some butterflies are great navigators, flying 1800 miles to their Fall destination and meet up with others, while some stick around pollinating the plants. No matter what, each type does its job without fuss, fight, or complaint because it is in harmony with Life. Having harmony means your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings are in agreement. Harmony is not elusive; you can create harmony with these four ingredients:
1. Focus on Your Goal
2. Be Aware of What and Who Surrounds You
3. Put Your Feelings in Check
4. Fly, Fly, Fly

The next thing you know you will be in the flow of Life, your wings will appear.

Responsibility Breeds Results

Something Every Leader Knows

Before getting into any discussion about responsibility or being responsible, it makes sense to have a clear definition of the word. Often, people have an idea or concept of what something means. This is the definition to use for the purposes of this article.

re•spon•si•ble \ri-ˈspän(t)-sə-bəl\ adjective 1 a: liable to be called on to answer b (1): liable to be called to account as the primary cause, motive, or agent (2): being the cause or explanation.



With that under our belt, to be responsible is no small task. Most people spend their lives avoiding being responsible for their actions. George Washington Carver once said, "Ninety-nine percent of all failures come from people who have a habit of making excuses.” Who are these people and for what are they responsible? Or the question could be posed for what am I responsible?

The Who, not the group, is you and those around you. But, let us make it personal. You are responsible for your actions, inaction, what you see, say, think, and do not think. Yes, it might seem like an overwhelming task. However, every aspect of your Life depends on your action, inaction, what you see both metaphorically and literally, what you speak out of your mouth, how you think and how you do not think. And the only person responsible for that is you. Of course, you might go back to what you were or were not exposed to as a child, the environment from which you came, teachers who were not nice, people who picked on you, and the list goes on. At the point in which you choose to take responsibility all of that disappears and you come out with strength, power, and freedom. Strength, power, and freedom to do, be or say, what is needed in a given situation, time, or place without restraint. “Although there may be tragedy in your life, there's always a possibility to triumph. It doesn't matter who you are, where you come from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always,” was said by Oprah Winfrey. There is no greater responsibility that what you take for yourself. At the same time, once you are able to see you are responsible for your actions, inaction, what you see, say, think, and do not think; you now become responsible for the consequences bestowed on others as a result.



For what are you responsible? No one can escape the consequences of who they are or are not. Consequences are not good or bad, they simply are what they are. You choose to do or not do something there are going to be consequences. No matter where you turn you have responsibilities. The first definition of responsible is “liable to be called on to answer” after that we find, “to be called to account as the primary cause, motive, or agent,” and “ being the cause or explanation”. You are responsible for those things you can be held to account. You are responsible for those things for which you can make an impact whether you see the impact or not, it does not matter. You are responsible for your “actions, inaction, what you see, say, think, and do not think.”



John Quinones, of ABS News, hosts a show called “What Would You Do?” which videos the response of people in different situations. For example, some show topics have touched on whether or not people would step in if they saw a person of color being harassed at a clothing store, gay patrons being bashed at a local pub, a Hispanic being beaten up and called names on a busy street, and seeing the spouse or significant other of a close friend snuggling with someone other that your friend; what would you do? Being responsible is a way of life and has you impact the lives of those around by expanding your reach. When can you afford not to be responsible? The price of greatness is responsibility; maybe it is that we are afraid of our power, strength, and ability to be free. Being responsible often produces great results meaning we are seen as great people. And truth be told, most people like the thought of being great, not what it takes to get there.



The results produced from being responsible are many; a Life of excitement for each day, the power to have situations be what you want, causing the lives of others to be transformed, clarity to make choices and decisions with no regrets, the courage to make things happen, and being seen as a leader. A leader is someone who is confident in their abilities and the abilities of those around them, allows others to have results which impact their life, and, John Buchan said it best, “the task of leadership is not to put into humanity, but to elicit it, for the greatness is already there.” Taking responsibility no matter what has others be responsible for their greatness, their action, in action, what they see, say, think, and do not think. It elicits responsibility, action, and leadership in others. Responsibility breeds responsibility which breeds results.



Today, take responsibility for both your past and your future. Take responsibility for your actions, look for places you are not being responsible, when you see places that require someone to be responsible you be the ripple in the pond, if there is something that needs to be said and it will make a difference say it, begin to transform your thoughts to those of action and being responsible for your greatness, and you will be amazed at the results you produce. Great people are responsible leaders and responsibility breeds results. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and produce results?

Be a Magnet for What You Want

“Personality is to a man what perfume is to a flower.” -Charles Schwab

In Life, relationship, business, and your career you are attracting different people, things, and opportunities. You are also repelling the Life, relationship, business, and career you want. How? The simple answer is personality, presence, and magnetism. In all parts of Life your personality out shines your knowledge and abilities. How do you become a magnet for the things that you want? Here are three ways to being a Magnet for What You Want.

1. Be a Possibility Hound
Keep your thoughts focused on the things that are possible in with each day, week, and month. When you meet new people think of what is possible for them out of meeting you and you meeting them. What interests do you have that you can share? Treat them as you would a King or Queen, they have your full attention.

2. Excellence Focused
Being a person who strives from excellence at all times and encourages others to do the same is one of the most attractive qualities in a personality. Let it be noted, there is a measurable difference between showing excellence through example and assisting people in achieving excellence and being controlling or overbearing to have excellence appear.

3. Effective Communication
Effective speaking and communication send your magnetism meter higher than you might think. People who are able to get their ideas and thoughts across are able to attract the people and things they want in Life. The ability to also listen to others communication and repeat it back to them is a key to letting others know you were listening to their communication. People have risen to great heights of personal achievement because of their ability to sell themselves and their ideas through dramatization of speech. The most important factor in effective speech is a thorough knowledge of the subject on which you are speaking. All the rules of effective speaking can be stated in one sentence. Know what you want to say, say it with all the emotional feeling at your command, and then sit down.


Your success in getting what you want, selling yourself, and your idea is 98% personality and 2% knowledge. It has been said that “some people have so much personality, presence, and magnetism that they brighten a room when they come in. Others have so little, that they brighten the room when they leave”. Apply the three ways to be a magnet and you will begin to see the things you want materialize. You will be the one to brighten the room and have your dreams realized.

Change Your Life

You have the power to transform your World right now. It takes transforming the way you relate to yourself and the people around you. Intending to have an existence that is in line with what you want takes being intentional daily. To ignite your Life means releasing the old ways of being and creating something new. There are six ways to begin that journey:

1. Invest in You: Assess your needs, wants, and desires then make those your priority. Address your list one item at a time each week, the investment in yourself will start to ignite the flames of the Life of your dreams.

2. Get Moving: Take out the list of things you mean to repair, people that need a return call, get moving in asking for that raise or looking for your dream job, or starting that business. Write three (3) things that you are going to complete each day to begin fanning the flames of the Life you want.

3. Never Quit: When you find yourself in a time of failure or what can be called “the dip of Life” reevaluate where you have things undone and move on them. Never quit, never give up. You might do best to call a friend, let them know what you are up to, and ask how they can help or if they will become an accountability partner.

4. Inject Positivity: One way to inject positivity is to write your goals in a place which is prominent; the bathroom mirror, the refrigerator, your computer screensaver, and the dash of your car. This will keep your commitment to forward thinking in front of you each day. Surrounding yourself with people who are positive and support you in moving forward is key.

5. Togetherness: Get outside of yourself and be with those who love you, those who have the same interests, and those who are where you are headed. Life happens while you are sitting and thinking about what to do or how to do it. Get involved with a volunteer project, a family member, coworkers, or a social issue you are passionate about; you never know what will come from being with people.

6. Eye on the Prize: When running a race there are many things that have gone into being at that starting line, getting up early to train, eating the right foods, resting, weight lifting, and missing friends and family events at different times. Keep your eye on what you are moving towards, all the other stuff is circumstances or reasons that come up with Life. Keep your Eye on the Prize.

How do you Ignite Your Life? Consistently put these things into practice and soon you will recognize your Life as what you dreamed now being real. The best way I can offer for you to reach your goals with velocity is to join the Unleash Your Power Group Coaching beginning in two weeks!

Think Big, Play Big, or Go Home!

Think Big, Play Big, or Go Home!

Sometimes we get caught up in the things of Life that seem to be real! Really, the truth is that they are usually small things that we allow to take over our Mind, over shadow our goals, and become the foundation of excuses. Excuses serve our ability to deny our own greatness. Why not cut the excuses and Play Big?

Cutting the excuses takes believing that there is an alternative to what you see, believe, hear, or are told. Excuses serve to shift responsibility from you. Not taking responsibility blocks acknowledgement of the natural power given to you. EXCUSES=NO POWER. It would seem that deflecting the responsibility to someone else would free you up to live a Life of freedom, power, and full self-expression. It just so happens that the opposite occurs. There is no freedom, no power, and seldom is there full self-expression. How then can you think big and play big to create a Life you love?

Have you ever talked to a child? We naturally think big and play big. My son loves Superheroes, animated charaters, and all things adventurous. He has not yet blocked that part of himself as an adult has learned and believes is necessary. When he walks up to an automatic door he believes he has the power to open it and acts as though he is! As we speak about where he wants to go in the World, he talks about China. His mind takes him to places and envision things that are Big, if he is editing his thoughts I would love to see the full vision. However, as adults we edit through what we have been told is possible, who we think we are, who we think others are, what we think is possible, and how long we think it will take to achieve our goal. Your natural power is only released when you are willing to give up your perceptions, beliefs, and excuses. Allow yourself to dream the dream which you thought could never happen and begin looking at how to create it. That includes people, places, finances, etc. Let it live!

To play big all the same rules apply, think about how to have what you want created. Playing bug takes action and unless you are willing to invite other kids into the sandbox you are playing small. Expanding your circle, including others into game moves the ball down the court with speed. An without you knowing it, the game becomes fun, assists others in developing their game, and even brigns you a few friends and associates that want to play the game of Life with you. Playing small only serves to keep you from living a Life of freedom, power, and full self-expression.

Remember playing with a group of children when you were young? If you were playing a team sport you expected them to come in with the thoughts of winning and winning BIG or you would be ready to send them home! The same can be said for you now with the people who are in your circle. Do they THINK BIG and PLAY BIG? The question can easily be internalized. Do you THINK BIG and PLAY BIG? If not, then what are you gonna do. Go home or get on the court?

http://www.enterprisinglife.com/

Attract it!

For two plus years, I have studied and participated in The Law of Attraction via The Secret, a Course in Miracles (a little), and other teachings. The think I find the most interesting is that there are people who know bout the Law and yet, cannot quite Master it. Not saying I am a Master, I am interested in being a Master at it.

The Law encourages people to master themselves from each thought and emotion to the words we speak. All of that brings Life to your reality. Expanding who you are invariably will attract what you want, depending on what you want. Recently, I looked at the things I have or do not have and it is true I attracted it. Now, it is up to me to either attract something else or be content with what I have attracted. You can change your Life in the blink of an eye by transforming what you attract and what you are attracted to!

My choice is to be attracted to the things, people, and places that bring and exude abundance.
What are you attracting and to are you attracted?

Sidney Gaskins
Enterprising Life
Unleash Your Life!
www.enterprisinglife.com