LIFE IS FOR THE LIVING

Commemorate, Celebrate, Appreciate

Every time I think I want to write something about my Mother I put it off, change my mind, or figure there is no need. Not for a lack of love, but there is so much I could say, my mind starts to run in a million directions, and it just seems to take more energy than I want to exert to focus myself appropriately. What I realized is that all too often those times are all about me and not necessarily about sharing me with others or what can be offered from my sharing. So, with that said, I am focusing.

Today is October 20, 2009, which I have dubbed Family Day for my siblings and me. Who cares about October 20? What is so special about October 20? On October 20, 1945 our mother was born in Cleveland, Ohio, as a result we are family. She died on September 23, 2002 in Kalamazoo, Michigan with all three of her children by her side, in the same room, and ironically, it was a beautiful day. Needless to say that is a day we will not forget. I remember it as if it just happened. Following that day, life has not been the same. For months after it seemed as thought I were in a fog, haze, or even a storm from which I would never emerge.

Sitting in my car, preparing to pick up my son, I heard Pastor Joey Johnson on the radio. Hearing him changed my life and perception of grieving. Joey Johnson is the senior pastor at The House of the Lord in Akron, Ohio. That particular day he spoke about grieving, being free of the hurt, and dealing with the change loss can bring. At the end of the program you were given the opportunity to order the series and invited to join their grief recovery group. I did both, immediately. By then, I figured “life can’t get much worse than this” and made arrangements to be at every session. One particular session talked about having the ability to celebrate the life of someone who has died. And that is what I have chosen to do along with my siblings.

I choose to celebrate the fact that Carol Y. Wilkes lived and gave me life, that she shared herself with many people I will never meet yet she touched, that she showed me love, and left me a legacy of the same. And maybe most of all I have siblings with whom to celebrate love and life. So, her birthday is not a day of mourning, but a day to commemorate a life beginning, a life that brought about new lives. Her birthday is not a day of sorrow, but a day to celebrate her bright smile, laugh, heart, life, times spent, and the legacy she has left on earth. And her birthday has become a day for my siblings and I to appreciate each other because we have her in common and because we truly love that we are family. If it were not for her we would not be family. October 20^th each year is Family Day among my siblings and me. It is the day we take a moment to call, text, or email to acknowledge each other as family.

For those who have someone who has died, you are still “stuck”, upset, and questioning. It is okay, wherever you are in your journey. Consider, commemorating the life of your loved one and making a celebration of love. Yet, I would be remiss if I did not share information for grief recovery. The Grief Recovery Institute® is based in California and trains people to conduct grief recovery groups. As a result of my experience, I went on to be certified as a specialist and assisted in the first group held in Cleveland, Ohio. 

Please take the time to look into the Personal Workshop and other offerings from The Grief Recovery Institute, if you find yourself, loved ones, friends, or associates dealing with grief (loss of job, finances, a loved one, health, etc.).